


Swear It Again

by Joey_Westwife



Category: Westlife
Genre: Amnesia, Best Friends, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Car Accidents, Childhood Sweethearts, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Committed Relationship, Denial of Feelings, Embarrassment, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Hospitals, Jealousy, M/M, Promises, School, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 14:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16120523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_Westwife/pseuds/Joey_Westwife
Summary: Nicky and Shane become inseparable aged 5 but don't expect to fall in love and have to hide their feelings. When it comes to crunch time, Nicky struggles to admit his feelings but all goes well until disaster strikes on Shane's 18th birthday and the blonde has to remind Shane they're meant to be.Inspired by Dawson's Creek season 1.





	1. Meet Cute

**Author's Note:**

> chapters 1-7 are a brief intro to their relationship then the main plot unfolds.

“Are you excited about your first day at big school Shane?” Mae asked her 5 year old son as she straightened out his blue polar neck T-shirt. 

“But Mark and Kian won’t be there Mummy.” He frowned. Scared he’d struggle to make new friends as his nursery besties were younger and not ready for year one yet. 

“No but they’ll be there in the playground next year. And we can still go to the park and meet them at weekends if you want to. But you’ll make new friends now.” Mae stroked the boy’s cheek and tried to tickle under his chin to make him giggle but his sad little face broke her heart. “Come now, it’ll be grand.” 

“The big boys might pick on me.” 

“Don’t be silly. Anyway, your brother and sisters will be around at lunch and break times. They’ll keep an eye on you. Won’t you Liam?” 

Shane was the youngest of seven kids. The runt of the pack too but definitely had the cutest smile. His sisters Mairead and Denise were not much older than him and his brother Liam was still in primary school too but his older siblings Yvonne and Peter were in high school whilst the eldest of the Filan children, Finnbarr, was due to start his first year at college. There’d always been someone to keep an eye on the first day student since Peter started so Mae was confident Shane would have no issues in the playground. All the teachers knew the Filan family well and other parents recognised Mae and her husband Peter as the local go-to people about horses. 

“Get in the car sweetheart. It’s time to go.” Mae ushered her children into the people carrier and ensured they were all strapped in. It was the 80s, there were no booster seat rules back then but the oldest always got to sit up front. 

“Ow, stop it Denise! Maaaaam, Denise messed my hair.” Shane wailed from the back, punching his annoying sister’s arm for irritating him. 

“Denise, stop it or there’ll be no cartoons after school.” Their mother shouted as she pulled out of the drive to take her brood to school.  
** 

Already kicking a football against the wall with his friend Keiran at 8:15am, little scamp Nicky, nearly 6, gave it his best shot as his mammy Yvonne stood by waiting for the bell to call the children inside. 

“Gooaal!” he cheered, doing his best victory boogie which resembled what’s now considered 'the floss'. “I best you, I beat you.” Nicky boasted in his friend’s face, proud of his best out of 5 goal kicks win. “I am nearly 6 and I beat you. I’m the oldest and I beat you. I. Am. The. Best. I. Beat. You.” He sang to rub it in, receiving a stark warning from his mam not to gloat and be cocky. 

Nicky had spent most of his summer break watching his dad’s fancy footwork, controlling the ball around the garden in an attempt to get his son to tackle him but the blonde boy had picked up some good aiming skills of his own and his love for the game had been born. He’d be 6 next month so one of the oldest in his year and by far one of the most competitive and confident. 

As more parents flooded into the playground, Yvonne politely asked her son to collect his ball and stand still so not to scare or hit the other new pupils gathering shyly behind their mammy’s legs. Some of the newbies had friends from preschool by their side but not Shane Filan.  
Walking past the football fan, Mairead Filan skipped by to meet her friends and Nicky watched her like a hawk, blushing at the pretty blonde girl with pigtails from the year above him. 

“Hi.” Nicky smiled sheepishly, hoping for a reply this time. Instead the girl turned her head and giggled at him. Silly little boy, as if she’d talk to someone in year 1. She was in year 2 now, it wasn’t cool. 

“Isn’t that one of the Filan girls?” Yvonne asked Nicky, looking around for Mae who she’d seen in the town café. Nicky nodded. “Oh look, that must be her little brother with their mam over there. Shall we go and say hello?” 

“No thank you mammy.” Nicky refused, sitting on the ground, hugging his ball to show protest in moving. “I want to stay here.” 

Yvonne rolled her eyes and snatched the ball from his hands, pointing a finger in his face. “Don’t be rude. It won’t hurt you to say hello to Mrs Filan if you want to be friends with that girl.” 

“I don’t want to.” Nicky huffed in a grump that his precious ball had been taken away. Whilst his mam was still crouched down to his level he aggressively swatted the ball from her hands, sending it rolling in Shane’s direction. 

“Nicholas Byrne!” she blasted, “That was naughty. Now go get it and say sorry.” 

As the leather footy rolled to Shane’s little feet, he looked down to pick it up and smiled up at his mam. “That boy is grumpy.” He chuckled. 

“Why don’t you give it back and say hello. Maybe he needs a friend.” Mae suggested as Nicky shuffled towards them with his tail between his legs. 

Yvonne grinned at Mae as they approached, watching the boys greet each other for the first time. 

“Here you go. Here’s your ball back.” Shane sweetly said, holding it out to Nicky. 

“Thank you.” Nicky replied, keeping his head down. “Sorry.” 

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.” He smiled. “My name is Shane. Do you want to be friends?” 

Nicky looked up at their parents and saw the encouraging expression on his mam's face. “Can you play football?” 

Shane shrugged. He could ride a Shetland pony perfectly well but wasn’t sure how to kick a ball. “You can teach me?” 

Nicky’s face lit up. “Yeah I can. I’m really good, aren’t I Mam?” she nodded. “My name is Nicky. I’m nearly 6.” 

“Oh... I’m only 5 and 2 months.” 

“That’s OK, I was 5 and 2 months once. We can play at break time. It’s easy.” 

Shane nodded with a hopeful smile that he’d made his first friend of the day. “OK.” 

“I can be your friend. I’m older so I can show you what to do.” Nicky said, back to his normal self. “My friend Kieran is 5. I’m better at football than he is.” 

“Thank you for being my friend. I don’t have any friends at this school yet.” 

“I have lots of friends. You can be friends with them as well, I don’t mind.” Nicky smiled, giving Shane a patronising pat on the shoulder. “I will look after him Mrs Filan, I swear. I always look after my friends, don’t I mam?” 

“Yes darling. Why don’t you go and play for 5 minutes before the bell rings. Introduce Shane to Kieran.” Yvonne smiled at the cuties and watched as they ran away together. “Don’t worry Mae, Shane will be looked after.” 

“Bless them. So cute. Looks like they’ll be friends for life.” 

“As long as Shane learns to kick a ball, Nicky will be his best friend forever.” Yvonne melted at the sight of their sons chasing each other around the grounds playing Tig. “I bet you’re relieved all your children are now in school?” 

“In a way. It’s also very sad. Shane is very shy until he gets to know people so I’m glad he’s made a friend in Nicky so quickly. I can go to work rest assured he’s happy.”  
**


	2. Gotta Go

Six years flew by in a flash. From day one Shane and Nicky had formed a solid friendship despite Shane’s slow growing talents with a football. Nicky had been patient and persistent in teaching his best friend how to aim and tackle and both boys had eventually got into the school team, even representing the county in the 6-9 years cup a couple of years later. 

The boys had spent almost every break time, lunch time and weekend together since they met and they were inseparable, pushing Kieran out as Nicky’s best friend. They became known as the terrible twosome around school, pelting their ball at younger kids, playing kiss chase with the girls... When Nicky had grabbed Mairead to leave a sloppy smooch on her cheek one day, he received a slap to his own face for his efforts which Shane went home and reported to his parents so she got in trouble. The pair were cheeky and mischievous but cute as puppies and their 'butter wouldn’t melt' grins helped them get away with all sorts. 

But suddenly it was the last day of term and it was their last day in year 6. They’d be starting high school in September and the thought of them having to go into different classes without their one true friend was too much to anticipate. Instead of taking to the sports field that lunch time, the boys chose to sit on a bench in a quiet area to chat. 

“Can’t believe it’s our last day Nix.” Shane frowned. 

“I know but I’m 11 now and we’ve gotta go. You’ll be 11 soon too.” 

“It won’t be the same at big school. You’re my best friend here.” 

“I know. But we’ll still see each other after school. I’ll call round on my bike as soon as I finish my paper round and we can go to the park still.” 

“Yeah suppose. As long as you’ll still be my friend Nix. I don’t want you to meet new friends and think I’m not cool anymore.” 

Nicky placed his hand on Shane’s shoulder and smirked. “You’re my best friend Shane. We’ll always be best friends. And anyway we’re going to the water park together next week remember.” 

“Yeah that’ll be fun but your little brother has to come and he’s so annoying.” Shane laughed. 

“Tell me about it. He’s such a cry baby at everything. At least my sister Gillian isn’t coming too. She’s having a girlie sleep over at her friends. Is Mairead coming?” Nicky asked trying not to sound too obvious. 

“No but I think Liam is. Mam said if he comes then we can go off on our own for a bit which I don’t mind. Liam is the only one that doesn’t pick on me.” 

“Yeah Liam’s cool.” Nicky agreed. 

Shane shrugged. “I’m really going to miss you in class.” 

“Shut up you puffter.” Nicky pushed Shane’s arm and laughed. “Don’t get all girly on me.” 

“Sorry... But I will.” 

“Me too Shay. Me too.” Nicky patted Shane’s shoulder and tried to hide his tears when in fact he was totally gutted himself to be losing hours spent with his best friend. It wouldn’t be the same just seeing each other in an evening or weekend. Secondary school was more complicated than primary and Nicky was worried he’d have less time as his studies got harder. “It’ll be fine Shane, I promise. Best friends forever, I swear.” Nicky linked his little finger around Shane’s and looked him in eye, promising the change wouldn’t affect their friendship.   
** 

At 2:45pm the bell rang. Schools out for summer! 

The entire school raced from their class rooms to find their friends in the playground to bid farewell to the mates that were going to different senior schools. But the only person Nicky wanted to find was Shane. When he caught him chatting to Kian as the blonde shook Shane’s hand in agreement to spend more time together this summer, Nicky jumped in to break their moment. 

“Hey guys.” 

“Hi Nicky.” Kian smiled but Shane didn’t respond. “So, bet you can’t wait to leave here.” 

“It’s not that exciting really.” Nicky frowned at Shane who couldn’t even look at him. “Shay, you alright mate? What’s up?” 

Kian knew exactly why Shane was upset but left the boys to it, picking up his bike and cycling off before Mark could catch up with him. 

“What do you think?” Shane grumbled. “Kian said he’d hang with us this summer.” 

“That’s good isn’t it? Even if he is a dick.” The blonde sniggered. 

“He’s not you. It’s not the same.” 

“Oh come on Shane. Not this again. We’ll make up for it. We’ve got 6 whole weeks together now. It’s not the end of the world.” 

“Sorry. I’m being gay.” Shane sniffed. “Ignore me.” 

“We’ve gotta go but it’s going to be fine. Come on, I’ll walk home with ye.” 

“Thought you had to get to your paper round?” Shane grumbled. It didn’t usually bother him, it only took Nicky an hour to do but today he was upset and didn’t want to lose his best friend. 

“Fuck it. I’ll be late for you.” 

Shane’s mood gradually picked up on their way home as Nicky continued to convince him the next 5 years would be just as much fun. 

Shane reached his front door and nodded. “So... Movie night tomorrow then?” 

“Yeah man. I’ll get a video with my wages later. Ring me tonight if Denise doesn’t hog the phone again.” 

“OK mate, will do, promise.” 

“Cool, see ya later then.” Nicky waved and turned back down the path to carry on to the news agent for his round. “Bye.” 

“Bye Nix.” As Shane entered the house, Mae asked how his day had gone but he grunted as he took to the stairs. “Just leave me alone.” 

“Pfft, hormones!” Liam chuckled as he passed his mother in the hallway. “He’s only 11. Little bastard.” 

“Language Liam! You were no better at his age.” 

“He’s a spoilt brat mam.” 

Getting a clip to his ear, Mae tutted at her 3rd son and gave Shane some time to cool down before tea was ready. She knew too exactly why her littlest boy was upset but didn’t want to make a fuss and embarrass him. He’d get over it! 

But Shane didn’t. He was so worried without his wingman by his side he’d lose his identity. 

The second his sister got off the phone, Shane ran downstairs to warm up his tea and sat in the conservatory nibbling his chicken nuggets as he stretched the phone cord to the table to talk to Nicky for an hour, ringing up his mam’s bill. As soon as he heard Nicky’s voice, the younger boy cheered up. He just needed more convincing that it really wasn’t the end of the world.   
**


	3. It's Hard

A new school, a new year. Nicky was quite nervous this time. All the big kids seemed intimidating and he’d need to work harder at gaining popularity but during his first week he encountered a very embarrassing episode that he’d be teased for, for years to come. 

Nicky was rapidly hitting puberty. He’d had another growth spurt over the summer and his mam had needed to buy another pair of trousers the day before term started to save him taunts. But he wasn’t banking on being the laughing stock of the class 4 days into the year. 

Wasting no time, the class was subject to an hour’s physical and social education period in the form of an informative video explaining in detail about genitals and a graphic cartoon demonstration of how to correctly have sex. It went on about puberty in boys and periods for girls too but Nicky already knew most of it because his dad had already given him 'the talk'. Most of the students sat giggling at the diagram of the erect penis and the boys cheered at the picture of a naked woman but what confused Nicky the most was that he found both forms attractive. 

After the cartoons explained the scientific terms for each private part, a real naked man and woman appeared on screen and Nicky didn’t know where to look. The girl was beautiful with perfect pert breasts and the guy had a six pack and average sized soft cock. Struggling to know who to stare at first, Nicky looked away and shuffled in his seat. 

“Pay attention Nicky!” the teacher scorned. 

“I know this stuff already sir. Can I be excused to the toilet please?” 

“No you may not. Continue watching please.” 

It was torture. His pants seemed to be getting smaller and the twist in his groin was a new sensation he really couldn’t enjoy in a room full of people. When the fire alarm drill was heard, the school year was evacuated but by this point the images in Nicky’s head wouldn’t go away and neither would the evidence in his trousers. Trying to cover himself up by cupping his hands over his crotch, the blonde blushed as the hot teacher Miss Silverstone began to call the register, asking each pupil to place their hands on their heads after being called with someone else taking the roll call for Shane’s current history class. 

'Oh fuck.’   
Nicky heard his name and hesitated. “But please Miss...” 

She raised her brow at the blonde and drew attention to him as he revealed the bulge in his pants. As her expression was clear to see, the nearby classmates turned to look at Nicky, bursting into laughter and whispering to the person next to them until the whole line knew that the cute blonde was suffering his first public erection.   
** 

Racing round to meet Shane at his front gate as he made it home from his paper round, Nicky wiped the tears from his eyes and faked a smile. 

“What’s the craic Nix? Why didn’t you wait for me after school?” 

“I have never been so fucking humiliated in all my life. I had to run away quick, sorry.” Nicky began. 

“All 11 years of it?” Shane chuckled, inviting Nicky inside. “What happened bro?” 

“Lets go to your room and I’ll explain.” 

After repeating the unfortunate event, Shane couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you got a stiffy at school.” 

“Yeah and now everyone’s calling me Sticky-Nicky.” 

“Haha, what?! Why?” Shane keeled over in pain from laughing so hard. 

“Cause when you get hard your supposed to have a wank and... You know. It gets sticky. We learned all about it in PSE today... Stop laughing, it’s not funny.” 

“It’s hilarious. You saw some titties and got a stiffy in class? That is funny Nix.” 

Nicky sulked and crossed his arms on the bed, angry Shane was being so childish about his embarrassment. “Fuck off. Wait until it happens to you. I’m nearly 12. My voice might break soon. I’m growing up.” 

“So? That’s good. Means you can do stuff with girls.” 

“I’m only in year 7 Shane. I don’t want to do stuff with girls yet. We’ve only been at high school 4 days and already I’m the kid with a hard dick. It’s embarrassing.” 

“Sorry mate. What’s it feel like?” Shane tried to be supportive but was still smirking like a Cheshire Cat. “Was it cause you saw boobs?” 

“I think so. The girl on the video was really pretty and had great bangers. What if it happens again?” 

“Why you asking me? It’s not happened to me yet. I don’t know anything about it. Our first PSE class is Monday.” 

“I don’t know. I tell you everything. We don’t have to talk about it, it’s fine.” Nicky shrugged, trying to understand Shane was 9 months younger than him and clearly nowhere near as close to puberty. “Shane... We’re best friends right?” 

“Of course. We can talk about anything. Sorry. So... Apart from being embarrassing, did it feel good?” 

Nicky blushed as he remembered the stretch of his genitals for the first time. “It is a bit strange. It felt a lot bigger. But that’s not why I think I’m getting old.” 

“12 isn’t old.” 

“I’m nearly a teenager. I am getting older. I’m scared.” Nicky’s confidence had taken a huge nose dive that day and the realisation that he was growing up was reeking havoc with his hormones. “Can I show you something?” Shane shrugged, hoping it wasn’t his willy he wanted to show him. “Look at this.” He unbuttoned his white shirt and pointed to one stray hair on his chest. 

“Been eating your crusts?!” Shane joked, looking at the short ginger curl near Nicky’s right nipple. 

“Think I’m hitting puberty for sure. Didn’t think you got hair til you were a bit older.” 

“Finnbarr didn’t have hair on his chest until he was 17. Liam still hasn’t either. Maybe you’ll just have one for ages. Have you got any down there yet?” 

“Haven’t looked. Shall I check?” 

Shane shrugged again feeling unusually jealous that Nicky was suddenly growing up so fast. Shane was 11 too, they’d celebrated at the water park but Nicky was 12 soon and his body was changing. “You’re becoming a man Nix. I just hope I’m not too far behind you. Forget it. Let’s watch Top Gun.”   
** 

Like most Friday nights Shane slept over at Nicky’s or vise versa and they’d always shared a bed up to now, either squeezing into Shane’s single or Nicky’s double he’d acquired aged 9. But it was all about to get weird. 

Waking to Nicky pushed up against his back, Shane opened his eyes to a confused wrinkle on his forehead... Something digging into him above his butt cheeks. 

“Nicky?” 

“Hmm.” The blonde groaned. “What?” 

“Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is pushing into my back?” 

“Huh?” Then his eyes widened as he felt the pulse in his boxers. He shot out of bed, scrambling to the floor with the duvet to cover himself. “Fuck.” 

“Gross! I’m never sharing a bed with you again man. Get that thing away from me. You fucking puff.” Shane freaked out making Nicky even more mortified than the day before. 

“Shane I’m... I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean... It wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” 

“Get dressed you dirty twat. Keep your dick away from me.” 

Shane jumped out of bed and threw his fluffy black gown on to cover himself, leaving Nicky alone to take care of his first morning glory.   
Shane didn’t need this!   
Things were changing. The boys were definitely growing up and they’d regretfully reached an age where sleeping in the same bed just wasn’t going to work anymore. It put a dampener on the day’s mood but after breakfast neither of them dared bring the subject up again... But it wasn’t long before Shane knew exactly what it felt like to wake up hard.   
**


	4. Girls and Boys

Year 10. Nicky was 15 now and it was another 3 months before Shane caught up with him. 

During the Easter break, Nicky had been away for the week with his family, leaving Shane to do some work around the stable yard. He was quite the master of show jumping but was beginning to lose interest in the horses when a beautiful blonde girl joined the lessons. Gillian Walsh. The moment Shane clapped eyes on her, his teenage crush took hold and he spent the entire week flirting with the babe, showing off his riding skills. With his best friend away, he couldn’t see him or call him so he chose to focus his time on Gillian, desperate to fill Nicky in the minute he got home.   
** 

Sat on Nicky’s bed, the blonde flashed his Cyprus tan at Shane, telling him about the fun he’d had but Shane was bursting to tell him his news. 

“Mate, you’ll never guess what I’ve been doing... Might have met someone.” 

“What?! Who? Where?” Nicky gave his full attention to the 14 year old. 

“At the stables. She’s beautiful Nix. So sweet... I really want to kiss her.” 

“Wow, really? Your first kiss. Cool.” Nicky tried to hide his disappointment. He never imagined Shane would find a girlfriend before him. “So are you going to ask her out?” 

“I might. We’ve been talking loads this week. She’s a brilliant dressage rider and the way she does rising trot... Ugh, she’s amazing Nix. You have to meet her.” 

“Oh, sure, OK. But you don’t need me cramping your style.” Nicky deflated, dropping his head to hide his true feelings. 

“Don’t be stupid. I can’t wait for her to meet you. I’ve been banging on about you all week.” 

“Really? Saying what?” The blonde lifted his chin, intrigued by Shane’s answer. 

“Told her we’re like brothers. Twins or something. Ya know, like, we share everything and can’t be apart for long.” 

“Right, yeah. Brothers.” Nicky smiled. “Hope she says yes then. Maybe she’s got a friend.” He sniggered, being non-specific on what gender her friend should be but Shane didn’t pick up on it. 

“You don’t mind me asking her out do you? I’ll still spend time with you too.” 

“I hope so. I’d hate to lose you to a girl.” 

“Never.” Shane leaned over and touched Nicky’s knee but the older boy was so nervous he moved away quickly before getting too excited by his 'brother's' contact. 

He swallowed the saliva in his mouth and offered to fill up their glasses with more fizzy pop. “Be right back.” 

As Nicky left the room he stopped at the top of the stairs and closed his eyes to compose himself. Shane having a girlfriend was going to be a tragedy. It was the complete opposite to what he wanted for their future but he had no intention of admitting his desires just yet.   
** 

Within 2 weeks Gillian had agreed to go on a date with Shane and Nicky was beside himself. While the brunette took his potential girlfriend to the cinema, Nicky rode his bike a few miles down the road to Strandhill to buy an ice cream and get some sea air to clear his head. 

There on the rocks watching Kian have a surf lesson, Mark Feehily soaked up the rare Irish sun with a bottle of diet Cola by his side so Nicky dropped his bicycle on the sand and walked over to greet him. 

“Hey Mark. Mind if I join you?” 

Taken by surprise the younger brunette’s eyes lit up.   
‘Oh my god it’s Nicky! The love of my life.’   
“Nix, hi. What are you doing here?” 

“Just thought I’d have a ride over. Shane’s on a fucking date.” He complained in a bitter tone. 

“Ah yeah, with Kian’s cousin Gill. You don’t sound very happy for him.” Mark said amusingly. “Jealous?” 

“No!” He replied too quickly. “No, I mean, good for him, but... Yeah whatever.” 

“Why aren’t you happy for him then? He cancel plans with you or summat?” 

“No... Just... Doesn’t matter. It’s just always been me and him ya know? I’m scared he’s gonna forget about me.” 

“As if man. You’re his best mate. He’s always talking about you.” 

“Hmm.” 

“What? He is.” 

“Apparently so but... I dunno. She’s a lucky girl.” Nicky shrugged, unable to talk to Mark about his feelings. They’d hung out a bit but didn’t know each other very well. 

“Shane’s lucky too... Having you as his best friend.” Mark’s cheeks turned pink as he stared at the beautiful blonde beside him. 

“Whatever. I should never have gone on that stupid holiday. Then maybe he wouldn’t have spent so much time getting to know her.” 

“Nix, tell me to butt out here but you sound jealous... Maybe not of him though?” 

“What do you mean? I don’t fancy her... I’m not jealous he’s got a girlfriend, I...” 

“Are you jealous of her taking him away?” 

“Well I suppose so but...” 

“Or jealous she’s with him?” Mark put it out there, plain and simple. He could sense Nicky’s attraction because he had a pretty good gaydar himself. 

Nicky looked his friend in the eye and paused for a second before responding. “Wh... What?!” 

“I’ve seen the way you look at him that’s all. It’s OK Nicky, I know what it’s like to... To like someone you shouldn’t.” 

“Are you calling me gay? Fuck off Mark. Takes one to know one.” 

Mark smirked. “Absolutely.” 

“Wait, are you... Are you gay?” Mark silently nodded, turning his head away from the blonde. It was the first time he’d told anyone but who better to tell than the boy he was secretly in love with. “Shit! Mark I had no idea man. Does anyone else know?” 

“No so please don’t tell Kian. He’ll crucify me... It’s OK to like Shane you know. He’s a good looking lad. You two have been in each other’s pockets for almost 10 years.” 

“We’re just close. Like brothers.” Nicky sighed, repeating how Shane described their friendship. “Which is great but...” 

“Are you in love with him?” 

“Ew, no of course not. I mean, I love him and that but... No. I don’t even know what love is.” 

“Nicky, I might only be in year 9 but I know how I feel about boys. I know it’s frowned upon but...” 

“Frowned upon?! Mark, being gay is a sin. Didn’t your church teach you anything? Why do you think we go to a mixed school? Because our mam’s are scared we’ll hit puberty and fancy boys cause that’s all we have. I can’t be a disappointment to my family. I can’t be gay. And anyway, Shane isn’t so it doesn’t matter what I feel.” 

“How do you know for sure? How do you know he isn’t just seeing Gill because he thinks it’s crazy and unacceptable too? Maybe he does like you.” 

Nicky laughed and scoffed right back at him. “Yeah right. Shane could never deliberately disappoint his parents... I hope it does work out for him, I do. I want him to be happy.” 

“Might wanna work on your enthusiasm when you say it mate. Look, I won’t say anything. I don’t want people knowing about me either but I’m here if you ever need to talk.” 

“Cheers Mark. That means alot.” 

It was a turn up for the books but hearing Mark was gay, kind of helped Nicky feel he wasn’t alone. Yes it was the 90s and being gay was very slowly becoming more understandable and acceptable in open minded homes but Nicky wasn’t even 100% sure he was yet. It was all about Shane and he didn’t know what he was feeling. Maybe he was just jealous and worried Gillian would take up too much of his time but the more he thought about the boy sharing his first kiss with the girl, the more angry and upset he felt that it was something the friends just couldn’t share together.   
**


	5. Decisions

Shane dated Gillian for all of 2 months getting no further than sharing a clumsy first kiss. When he told the gorey details to Nicky, the blonde tried to sound interested but when Shane caught the hint of jealousy in his tone, it made him think twice about taking it any further. The last thing he wanted was for a girl to come between them so Shane surprisingly called it off with the pretty rider to concentrate on his exams. It’d got harder for the boys to enjoy themselves during the study period but they’d helped each other out with the subjects they shared and on several occasions threw their bed sharing rules out the window once they’d gained control of their morning glory. 

Nicky was 16 already. He had to decide what to do next and a football career was at the forefront of his mind whilst Shane hoped to get into university to study accounts. But when it came down to it, the serious conversation they needed to have was being ignored and the frustration for Nicky was driving him wild. 

It was May and the day of their last exam. 

“Fucking nailed it mate.” Nicky proudly gloated to Kian who congratulated him on finishing. “Just waiting for Shay so we can celebrate.” 

“Well done man... So have you talked to him yet?” 

“No. I don’t know what to do Ki. We have a few months to chill before we start anything else but then what? Shane’s been my life for so long. I’m so scared of losing him.” Nicky stared at the floor as he leaned his bum on the fence post behind him. 

“You’ll never lose him buddy. He’s only going to Uni in Sligo. He’s not moving away.” 

“I might have to.” He admitted. “Huh, I’ve applied for a traineeship at Sligo Rovers but Mam put in an application for me to go to Dublin to play. Imagine that. Training with the Irish Shamrocks Ki. It’d be amazing.” 

“Wow, yeah that’d be awesome. Shane must be so proud of you.” 

“He doesn’t know. I’m too scared to mention it.” 

“Why?! This is your career we’re talking about. Being a footballer is all you’ve ever wanted.” 

“No shit. I just don’t know how to function without Shane. I’d never see him.” Nicky frowned, close to tears as his tummy burned with acid. “There’s nothing keeping me here if I get offered Dublin.” He shrugged. 

“Except Shane?” Kian nodded, in the know about Nicky’s feelings since the blonde opened up to him and Mark some more one night. “Shane dumped my cousin for you mate. He’d do anything for you. He’d probably go to Dublin university instead if you told him.” 

“No he wouldn’t. He loves his horses and family too much. This is so fucked up, what do I do? What if I tell him how I feel and he freaks out and doesn’t want to be friends with me?” 

“Nix, he’s 16 this year, not 6. He’s seen your boner more times than... More times than I’ve seen my own.” He laughed. “Even if he isn’t gay too, he loves you and would never push you away. Would you rather go and never tell him, losing contact with him anyway or tell him and have him make you happy?” 

“That’s not fair! You don’t know they’re the only options. I could stay and not tell him. I could stay, tell him and lose him. Or maybe tell him and have to go because he hates me for it.” 

“Fuck sake mate, you don’t even know if Dublin is an option yet. Why don’t you just talk to him now and deal with the rest later?” 

“Shut up he’s coming... Hey bro. How’d it go?” Nicky gave Shane a hug which caused Kian to raise a brow and pout his lips behind Shane’s back. Nicky gave Kian a dirty look and ignored him. 

“OK I think. Just glad it’s over. Need to hope I get the grades for Uni now. How was yours?” 

“Breezed it. Piece of piss. Sligo Rovers here I come.”   
** 

Sat in Nicky’s family garden at the weekend for a celebratory BBQ, the boys sipped on their one bottle of Bacardi Breezer. Nicky’s dad had promised them just one each to say well done but it hadn’t been their first alcoholic drink. They didn’t talk about that! 

Spread out the lounger while Nikki Snr cooked, Nicky smiled as he stared at Shane sunbathing. 

“Stop staring Nix!” Shane grinned. He could always sense when he was doing it. Even with his eyes closed. 

“How do you do that?” 

“Do what?!” 

“Just... Know.” 

The brunette sat up, lifting his shades onto his head and gave his best mate the biggest smile ever. “I know you. It’s like, I know what you’re thinking and doing all the time.” 

'Clearly you don’t!'   
“Ya think? So what am I thinking right now?” 

“You wanna have this conversation right now?” 

'Kian’s said something. Oh god!'   
Nicky gulped and creased his forehead acting dumb but before he could reply Yvonne came through with a letter. 

“Nicky darling, this just arrived. Open it, open it.” His excited mother bounced passing him the envelope but when he saw the return address on the back he froze. “Come on, let’s see if you got in.” 

“Is that the Sligo letter?” Shane asked, feeling hopeful too. 

“Erm... Just put it inside Mam, I’ll open it later.” Nicky winced as bile collected in his throat. He hadn’t told Shane about the Dublin application and it wasn’t the time to either. 

“No, open it now. It might be good news. Tell him Shane.”   
Feeling trapped, he reluctantly tore it and took out the letter.   
“Well?” 

Reading it silently, Nicky’s heart pounded but wasn’t sure what outcome would be better. Then there it was. His eyes widened and a tear of joy filled his eye. 

“No way... I can’t believe it.” 

Shane jumped up to sit by his side to see for himself but wasn’t expecting to learn his secret. “You got in to Sligo?” 

“No, I...” 

Yvonne snatched the letter from her son’s hand and shrieked in pride as she saw his acceptance. “Yes, congratulations sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. Nikki, he got in to the Shamrocks.” She shouted to Nicky’s father, racing over to show him the evidence. 

Shane’s faced dropped. “Shamrock Rovers?! You’re kidding me.” 

Nicky sighed and covered his face, dreading this conversation. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was Mam that applied not me. I didn’t want to say anything incase I didn’t get in then it wouldn’t be an issue.” 

“Why would it be an issue? This is amazing news.” 

“Really? You think I should go?” he looked at the brunette, disappointed he was willing to let him go. “What about...” 

“Of course you should go. This is your dream Nix. I’m so happy for you.” Shane beamed, giving his best friend a hug. “Congratulations buddy.” 

“Oh, right. But...” 

“But nothing. You’re going to Dublin. It’s way better than Sligo. Why aren’t you more excited?” 

“It’s Dublin! It’s hours away. When will I get to see you?” 

Shane smirked and tilted his head, amused by Nicky’s concern. “Mate, don’t worry about me. We’re growing up now. I’m sure I can manage to go 5 days without seeing you. We’ll still talk on the phone.” 

“5 days? Football isn’t just a Monday to Friday job Shane. I’ll be away for months at a time.” 

“But you’ll be living your dream and you could become a famous player in 2 years. Imagine that. I’ll be fine, I’m off to Uni anyway. Everything is changing for the better now.” 

Shane’s positive and supportive attitude was no comfort to Nicky at all. Clearly Shane just wanted to get on with his life and make new friends and didn’t have a care for the fact they wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. 

“When would you leave?” 

Nicky shrugged. “Sligo said once you’re accepted you could have your induction within 2 weeks.” 

“Wow... OK. So we make the most of that time. You deserve this chance bro. I’m so proud of you.” Shane patted Nicky on the back and got up to use the bathroom but Nicky’s mood was even lower now. Seemed to the blonde, Shane wasn’t in the least bit sad about him leaving. Obviously he didn’t care!   
** 

Two days later the acceptance letter from Sligo’s local football team dropped on Nicky’s welcome mat. He smiled as he read the news that he now had options but he was worried Shane would question his desire to stay at a low key club when he could automatically start at a club in a higher league. He seriously needed to talk to Shane, fast. 

Sitting on a bench in town waiting for Shane to join them, Mark, Kian and Nicky chewed the fat. 

Mark tutted and rolled his eyes. “Of course he’s gonna want you to go Nix. He wants what’s best for you.” 

Kian was most frustrated that Nicky hadn’t told him how he felt yet. When ever Shane spoke to their friend, all he ever talked about was Nicky. “You’re so fucking infuriating mate. He talks about you like all the fucking time. Even Gillian was laughing about it last week at my uncles party, saying all he talks about at the stables is you.” 

“Doesn’t mean anything does it? Doesn’t mean he’s in love with me. He’s just my brother from another mother.” 

“That you want to kiss.” Mark chuckled, dealing with his own jealousy of Shane. Why wouldn’t the idiot be in love with Nicky? Was he blind and stupid? “Shane has always been naïve Nicky you know that. He doesn’t even know...”   
‘Shit. Kian’s there. Don’t say it. Don’t say “I’m gay!” for god sake.’   
“... His arse from his elbow sometimes.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay Nix. We don’t have a problem with it. It might be a bit weird but you’re 16 now.” Kian smiled. 

Taking offence, Mark defended Nicky. “It’s not weird. Why is it weird? Cause the priest said you can only love a woman? Because society believes the only way to live is by Catholic rules and finding boys attractive is disgusting?!” 

“Whoa, Marky, no! I just said I don’t believe it’s wrong... Or disgusting. I think it’s nice Nicky feels this way about Shane. They’ve been so close for so long.” 

“So why is it weird? What’s weird about being gay? You watched Queer as Folk last night.” 

“No Mark. You watched Queer as Folk last night and I tried not to look when they got naked. I’m not attracted to boys that’s all. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you Nix.” Kian apologised but Mark still huffed. “What is wrong with you? Mardy arse.” 

“I’m fucking gay Kian alright?!” Mark shouted without a care for the passing, disapproving public. 

Creeping up behind the bench, Shane gasped, causing them all to turn round. “Really Marky? That’s great. I mean, good for you for admitting it. You’re really brave mate.” 

“Shane!” Nicky lit up, suddenly happy to see him but before he could say another word, Gillian ran up to join them and linked her arm in Shane’s. “Gill?” 

“Hey Nicky. Don’t mind if I join you guys do ya? Hey Ki.” Gillian smiled, clutching Shane’s arm. 

Nicky burned holes in the clasp of her hand as he felt a rage coming.   
'What the fuck is she doing here?!'   
“Mark and I have somewhere to be so you’re free to do what you want.” 

“But we just got here. I thought we were hanging together today.” Shane complained. 

“Yeah sorry. Something’s come up. Maybe catch you later. Come on Mark.” 

“Maybe?!” Shane’s joy turned to sadness as he watched his best friend pull away the gay one. “Where are they going?” Kian shrugged. “Since when were them two best mates?” 

“They’re not. Just leave them to it. What do you wanna do?” 

Nicky marched down the High Street with Mark trying to keep in line as he seethed until they came across a passage to the back roads. 

“Nix, what’s going on? Where are we going?” 

Nicky stopped down the narrow alley and turned to Mark. “You’ve never kissed a boy before right?” 

“No.” 

“Until now.” Nicky took Mark by surprise and grabbed his head to plant a crushing kiss on his unsuspecting lips. 

Pulling away in shock, Mark spluttered. “Nix, what the fuck are you doing?” 

“Kissing you, what does it look like?” 

“Using me to spite Shane you mean? I can’t believe you just did that.” Mark wiped his mouth and gave Nicky a dirty look. It wasn’t how he imagined his first kiss to be, especially not with Nicky. 

“Mate, I’m sorry. You fancy me though don’t ya? I’ve noticed you look at me the way I look at Shane.” 

“So you think that’s an invitation to drag me down a passage and attack me?” 

“What? I didn’t, it was just a kiss.” 

“That I didn’t consent to! You’re way out of order man.” Mark grumbled, wondering himself why he was being so dramatic when all he wanted to do was shove his tongue down Nicky’s throat. “You’re in love with Shane, not me. It wasn’t fair.” 

“And you’re in love with me so what’s the problem? Thought you’d enjoy kissing me.” 

“Me too but... That was really unfair Nicky.” 

Stepping closer to the slightly taller brunette, Nicky cupped his hand gently around Mark’s cheek and leaned in close to his lips again. “Do you consent this time?” 

Nerves shot around Mark’s limbs and he couldn’t speak as the beautiful blonde pressed his chest into him, breathing on him. He simply nodded and allowed the older boy to share their first French kiss. Mark only having just turned 15 last week. 

“Wow.” Mark whispered, licking his lips as he drew breath. “Shit man. I can’t believe we just did that.” He giggled. 

“Sorry... It was good though right?” 

“Yeah of course but... I’m not Shane. You have to talk to him Nicky. Tell him how you feel before it’s too late.” 

“He’s with her. He wants to get in her knickers so fuck him.” 

“God you’re so stubborn not to mention spiteful... Gillian isn’t interested in Shane. She’s already got a boyfriend. They’re just friends. Didn’t you listen to what Kian said earlier?” 

“Kiss me again Mark.” Nicky tried to lean in again but Mark did the right thing by pushing him away. Teenagers snogging down an alley wasn’t the most romantic scene. “Ow, what?” 

“You don’t want me Nix, you want him. Stop being a prick, stop using me and fucking talk to him!” Mark huffed and made his way back down the road towards his friends leaving Nicky alone to reflect on his bad decision to mess with Mark’s head. 

“Mark please don’t tell them what happened.” He shouted down the street but Mark didn’t turn round. He held his middle finger up to him as he walked away but didn’t look his way as he tried to hold back a mixed bag of emotional tears. “Mark, please!” 

“Fucking bastard.” The brunette muttered under his breath before he broke a smile at the memory of finally getting to kiss the one person he had wet dreams over.   
**


	6. Now Or Never

Shane didn’t hear from Nicky for 2 days after he stormed off in town. Mark refused to explain what had happened in those 5 minutes they were away so when Nicky wasn’t answering his house calls, he began to worry. He’d tried to turn up on his doorstep the next afternoon but with his parents at work, Nicky failed to answer the door, ignoring Shane’s concerns until he met his deadline to accept his placements. 

Plucking up the courage to speak, Nicky rode his bike over to Shane’s house but when he wasn’t home, he carried on to the stables in a hope of finding him there. As soon as he locked up his BMX, he saw Gillian kissing her boyfriend and felt foolish for jumping to conclusions. Mark had been right. He hadn’t needed to be jealous or spiteful on Monday and now he felt guilty. 

“Hey Gill, is Shane around?” 

”Hi Nicky, yeah he’s grooming Carlton Diamond. You OK?” she replied with genuine concern. “He’s really worried about you.” 

“Yeah I’m fine. Sorry about the other day. See you later.” Nicky smiled and went to find his bestie in the stable. Watching over the bottom half of the door, he noticed Shane wipe a tear from his eye. “Hayfever again?” 

Jumping out his skin, Shane turned to see the blonde grinning at him. “Nix... You’re still alive then?” 

“Shane, we need to talk. It’s important. I’m sorry for being a jerk on Monday.” 

Shane sniggered and threw the hoof pick back in the tack box in a strop. “Why did you do it Nicky? Why did you kiss Mark?” 

“What?! He told you?” 

“No, Gillian did!” he shouted in anger. “Mark told Kian and he told her... He didn’t say why but... What the fuck man?” 

“Sorry, I was... I wasn’t thinking. Mark’s really sweet and he likes me so...” 

“So the second he tells you he’s gay, you pounce on him?! What sort of person does that?” Shane unbolted the gate and lead Nicky to the store room away from ear wigs. 

“I’ve known for ages. I was the first person he told. We were talking one day and...” 

“So you fancy him? Are you suddenly gay too?” 

“No I’m not ‘suddenly gay' and no I don’t fancy him! It was just a mistake. Why are you so pissed off about it?” 

“Cause nothing adds up Nicky. I thought I knew you but recently all you’re doing is lying to me and keeping secrets. You’ve ignored me for 2 days as if I’ve done something wrong.” 

“You haven’t OK? I’m sorry.” 

“Just go to Dublin Nicky. Forget about me.” 

“What?” Nicky’s nose flared as his eyes filled. Was he being rejected already? “I’m sorry I kissed Mark, I was being spiteful. I thought you were back with Gillian...” 

“No we’re just friends. But so what if I was? Am I not allowed to have a girlfriend because you’re so scared I’ll always pick her over you?” 

“No, I... Shane please...” Nicky reached out to touch his arm but Shane swung back and knocked it away, smashing the blonde’s knuckles against the wall. “Argh, fuck mate. What’s wrong with you?” 

“Me?! You talk to Kian and Mark more than you talk to me now a days. And now you’re snogging Mark, ignoring me... You’re going to Dublin...” 

“I haven’t accepted the place yet. I can stay at Sligo if I want.” 

“Why?! So you can go out with Mark and be part of the revolution? You’ve never even told me you’re gay.” 

Nicky clenched his jaw to try and hold back his tears but it didn’t work. “I was scared to. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend. But it looks like I already have.” 

“No... No this isn’t my fault. You’re the one being distant not me. All I’ve ever done is be there for you and support you but you’re turning into someone I don’t even like anymore.” Shane ranted. “How could you do that to Mark? Why though?” 

“What’s the big fucking deal? So what if I wanted to kiss him? Am I not allowed to be gay too?” Nicky burst into tears, dropping to a chair to cover his face. “I’m sorry. I don’t fancy Mark.” 

“So why do it?” 

“Because I... I thought you were back with Gillian and I was being spiteful. I was jealous alright?” 

“Nicky don’t cry, for fuck sake. Jealous of what? I told you, I’d not have spent less time with you.” 

“Do you like her?” Nicky looked Shane in the eye. “If she wasn’t with that other lad, would you ask her out again?” 

“I don’t know, why? She’s a nice girl.” 

“Do you fancy her? Or... I dunno, wanna kiss other girls instead?” 

“Instead of what Nicky? Instead of being lonely and single all my life? I’m not interested in other girls, no. No one is coming along to take me away from you except you... You’re moving away and I have to stay here and find new friends.” 

“I don’t have to go! I can’t lose you Shane. You’re everything to me and the thought of moving to Dublin scares the shit out of me because you won’t be there.” 

Shane took a deep breath and sat down next to him. He took Nicky’s hand away from his face and linked his fingers into it. “Nix... You’ll always be my best mate.” 

“It’s not enough anymore.” He sobbed. “I’m sorry Shane. I don’t want to go without you.” 

“You can’t stop living your life cause of me. You have an amazing chance to live your dream.” 

“What if it’s not the most important dream anymore? What if being with you means more to me than kicking a football?” he squeezed his hand tighter around Shane’s and took a deep breath before looking him in the eye again. “Shane... You’re everything I know. You’re a part of me and I don’t want to walk away from that.” 

“You won’t be... Nicky, you’re amazing. You’re the sweetest, most loyal, best friend I’ve ever had and ever will. I wish you’d told me you were gay.” 

“What difference does it make?” 

Shane broke his gaze and bit his bottom lip. “You don’t know do you?” 

“Know what?” 

“Why I split with Gill in the first place?” Nicky looked confused and shook his head. “She’s the only one that knows the truth, that’s why she told me you kissed Mark.” 

“What truth? Why did you break up with her?” 

“Because I’ve been secretly in love with you since forever.” 

Nicky’s heart skipped a beat as his jaw dropped to his chest. “What?! No way, that’s bullshit.” 

“Why? Just because I’ve hidden it for so long? I know Mark’s in love with you and hearing you kissed him... It really hurt and that’s why I’m angry. Because instead of talking to me and telling me how you feel, you used him instead to spite me... Tell me what you want Nix.” 

“I want you! I’ve wanted you since that morning I woke up with my boner in your back... I was young, I didn’t know if I was thinking straight, or whatever, pardon the pun.” He chuckled. “I can’t go to Dublin without you Shane. I’d rather stay here and just be friends if that’s all I can have but... If finding out I was gay was a problem then I’d just leave and have to deal with a broken heart.” 

“Nicky, you have to go.” 

“But you just said...” 

“I know but I’m trying to do the right thing here and encourage you to be the best you can be. I want what’s best for you so if that means keeping my feelings to myself so you can be happy then so be it.” 

“But you’ve told me now. Everything changes right? I want you too. I’m not leaving knowing how you feel.” 

“Nicky please... I love you so fucking much and losing you to a bunch of pussies on a field kills me but this is your dream.” 

“My dream is to be with you. I love you Shane. I’m in love with you and now... We can be together right?” 

Shane bit his bottom lip and winced. “I want you to go.” 

“Why? Why are you so hell bent on pushing me away?” 

“Because I don’t want to be the reason you give up the one thing you want to do. I won’t be that person to hold you back. Yeah you could stay at Sligo instead but we both know you’re better than that and you’d just be transferred anyway. I can’t be in a relationship with you and watch you be miserable... Nicky, I want you to be happy.” 

“I am happy. With you! I want you! You have no fucking idea how badly I’ve wanted to kiss you every time you got changed in front of me. Every time I noticed your boner, not being able to stop thinking about touching you. I’m a virgin Shane and I’m not interested in touching girls. I’m 16 and I’d rather wait until we’re both 17 so we can... Be together properly. When it’s legal.” 

“You think I don’t know how that feels? You’re fucking stunning Nicky. You’re amazing, of course I know how hard it’s been but I was scared too. I didn’t want to lose you either.” 

“But now you’re pushing me away regardless. Brilliant.” Nicky snatched his hand away and stood up, pacing the floor. “Come with me. You can get a job in a stable somewhere out there and apply for Uni in Dublin. I’m not going without you.” 

“I don’t know if I can. Maybe it’s too late.” 

“Argh Jesus Shane, for fuck sake.” Nicky growled, kicking the door in frustration. “You need to decide what you really want right now. If me going to Dublin means so much to you then fine, I’ll go. I’ll accept the placement and start packing tonight... But if you’re forcing me to go to ease your conscience then I’m forcing you to chose too because I can’t do this. You either come with me so we can be together, and I mean like, actually be together no matter what stigma we get for it... Or you stay behind and we’re done. Because I can’t handle knowing you don’t love me back enough to follow me.” 

“That’s not fair!” Shane yelled, staring at Nicky, ready to punch something hard. 

“No and you forcing me to Dublin alone isn’t either but I’ll do it for you. Because all I want to do is please you and make you proud of me. I fucking love you man... So it’s up to you... But if we can’t be together then Mark is the only one that gets a kiss from me cause there’s no way I can kiss you and deal with the pain of it being a one off.” 

“You’re such a drama queen!” Shane simmered, grinning as he took a step forward to stand in front of the hysterical boy. “I thought you were straight then I thought you wanted Mark... I’m scared that’s all. I just told you I love you too.” 

“Doesn’t mean you’re strong enough to be with me and ignore what people say.” 

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks... I want you too.” He took hold of Nicky’s hands again and took a deep breath before staring into his pretty blue eyes. “When I’m 16 I can do what I want... And I’ll come to Dublin. I promise. I just need you to wait for me.” 

“Are you sure? Because I can’t go now if you’re not going to follow me.” 

“I’m already there Nix.” Shane whispered and leaned in to kiss his best friend for the first time. “God I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” 

“Fuck... I can’t believe you feel the same way.” 

“I always have.” He smiled, licking the taste of Nicky’s lips from his own. “And if I ever got to kiss a boy it only would have been you.” 

“I’m so sorry about Mark.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve kissed Gillian already remember. But it felt right with you. Everything feels right with you Nicky.” He stroked his hand down the blonde’s cheek and gave him another gentle kiss which quickly progresses to their first proper embrace. “Wow, it never felt like that with her.” 

Nicky blushed and began shaking, nervous that all his dreams were about to come true. “Love you Shay.” 

“Love you too Nicky.”   
**


	7. Stronger

In the 2 months Nicky was settling into Dublin without his now boyfriend, he did all the grown up things he felt he had to in order to prepare for Shane joining him after he turned 16. He immediately moved into the player digs for under 18s that the club provided but the moment he got a spare hour he was down the local advice centre and council asking for help to find a house share he and his boyfriend would be welcome in. Of course he wasn’t expecting a palace with his low training wage and Shane’s student status but he managed to find a lady with 2 spare rooms looking for young lodgers. She’d previously been a foster mum but felt she was now too old to care as well for dependents with her health taking a dip but she enjoyed the company still and offered a cooked meal 3 times a week charged in with the bill cost and the other 4 evenings were left free for the boys to do as they pleased whilst the home owner attended church group, bingo, ladies club and visited family until 9pm of a night. Sounded perfect to Nicky so he snapped up the rooms with the promise Shane would soon follow. 

Shane had been lucky enough to fill the last spot on the course he wanted at Dublin’s best university but he wasn’t going to wait to move when he had Nicky holding a room for him already so 2 days after his birthday he moved in to Mrs Maclusky's house and found a stable job to keep him occupied over the summer as Nicky kicked a football. 

At weekends the boys kept to their usual sleep over routine and shared each others bed after falling asleep watching a movie. Mrs Maclusky was no fool and could see the love the young boys shared but never judged them or made them feel uncomfortable about their relationship. She enjoyed their polite company and received their rent on time so had no complaints. 

The living arrangements were great to start with. By Christmas Nicky was 17 and Shane was making new friends at university but they never failed to keep their own plans and routines in their spare time. Since their relationship began and they’d shared that kiss in the stable, all the lads had shared had been cuddles, more kisses and the odd cop of a feel over clothes. True to his word Nicky waited until he was 17 to even consider asking for skin on skin contact but there was still 6 months until Shane’s next birthday and the wait was driving Nicky crazy. He wasn’t craving penetration but he pined to feel Shane’s hand on his morning glory just once and on Christmas Day morning his wish had come true as Shane slipped his hand into the blonde’s boxers and woke him up to a sensational surprise orgasm. When Nicky offered to return the favour, Shane declined, adamant he wanted to wait until his 17th birthday to receive the full package... And 6 months later he enjoyed the best first time anyone could ever ask for as Nicky spoilt him in the bedroom after reading some gay porn magazines he’d secretly bought from a shop in town. Their relationship was well and truly 100% official. 

The boys never officially came out to their families. It was an unspoken assumption by everyone and eventually they forgot to hide it in public and around their loved ones back home. It was the mid 90s and being gay was becoming more acceptable and more commonly televised, giving the couple confidence that maybe one day in the future there’d be a chance they could be allowed to marry; a pipe dream right now but something they were willing to help fight for when the time was right. 

It wasn’t just an arse full of cock that Shane received for this 17th. Nicky had managed to save enough of his wages to buy Shane a top of the range Motorola mobile phone. The devices weren’t very broadly affordable or popular yet but Nicky had been given one from the club and once he’d mastered the art of text messaging he felt it’d be a bright idea for Shane to be able to send 40 characters at 10p a pop during the day just to see how each other were doing. It made them look cool though, walking round town on a cell phone like the rich and successful and it also gave them that extra bond to stay close no matter where they were. 

Over a year into their Dublin residency, the boys had been home on several occasions but never without each other. They were so in love and now sexually active there was no tearing them apart. They were stronger than they ever imagined possible and an inspiration for other closet gays. Because Nicky was such a good player, the taunts for his sexuality were minimal within the team but once soccer fans began to catch a whiff of the truth, things became harder.   
** 

A week before Shane’s 18th birthday, Nicky was secretly putting together the finishing touches to his gorgeous, unsuspecting boyfriend’s surprise party back in Sligo. He’d spoken to Mae and Liam with hopes of making his idea come to life in the form of a barn dance at the family stable yard. The barn itself needed some work doing to it but Mae and Peter agreed to spruce up the building and fill the holes in the roof and 3 wooden outer walls, asking their son Peter to fix a shutter and concertina doors on the front facing side of the barn to shelter the inside and create a drier, safer and warmer building to primarily store straw and hay. Once it was completed, Nicky had been invited over to discuss decorations and details of a layout to the space that would house the party and he’d got away with telling Shane he was on a team building event to give him time to get to Sligo and back on his day off without his boy suspecting why he wasn’t home on time. 

Nicky didn’t know many of Shane’s university friends except the 3 guys and 2 girls that had gone for a drink with them at Christmas so a month before his birthday, the blonde had pulled Patrick aside to tell him the plan and asked him to pass on the details discretely to Shane’s friends but begged him not to let the cat out the bag and that he understood if it was too far for people to travel. However, Shane was so popular, the students used their grants to buy a train ticket to ensure they didn’t miss out on the big event. 

Everything was in place with just a week to go. The party wasn’t Nicky’s biggest gift to his lover either. Because it was a surprise, he needed to give Shane a special present to throw him off the scent of expecting more. Shane knew they were going to see his family for his birthday but he was only under the impression they were having an intimate family meal possibly with Kian and Mark in tow so when he was handed a small box a day early, he was blown away by the gift.   
**


	8. Bad Luck

“I can’t believe you bought me a car.” Shane beamed as he marvelled at the little black run around parked outside their house. 

“It’s only a second hand, 3 door, Suzuki Alto. But it was a bargain considering there aren’t many miles on the clock. Your parents helped me pay for it though. I kinda owe them half the cost but your mam said I can pay monthly so it’s cool.” 

“Wow, Nix, I love it. Saves me having to bend over to borrow yours.” Shane winked with a chuckle. “So can I drive us to Sligo tomorrow?” 

“Erm, well here’s the thing. I need to go home before you to see my folks. My dad has a hospital appointment but Mam needs picking up from work so she’s asked if I can do it and see her for an hour before we go to your parent’s place for the weekend. So... I’m really sorry babe but I need to leave at lunch. I know you have that appointment, I’m sorry.” 

“Oh charming. So that’s why you got me a car?” Shane laughed, teasing his man. 

“No of course not but when Mam asked, I knew you’d have a car so I said yes. You’ve driven my car to Sligo before, you’ll be fine on your own right?” 

“If you make me a cassette tape to listen to I’m sure I’ll manage.” Shane stretched his arm around Nicky’s waist and drew him in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you Nix. I love it and I love you.” 

“Good because there’s a Boyzone tape already in the player and I’ve made you a mix tape which is in the glove box.” Nicky kissed Shane’s neck and nuzzled his nose behind the brunette’s ear. “I love you too Filan. Your birthday is going to be the best. I swear.”   
** 

Shane had already finished his 2 year university course but had another year of vocational training to do before he was qualified in level 2 accountancy and his appointment the next day was in fact an interview for a placement job in town at one of the top firms around. It was his 18th birthday but Nicky had already given him a sticky parcel that morning before fleeing to Sligo but the brunette was nervous as he buttoned up his crisp white shirt in the mirror without his man by his side. 

“You can do this Filan. Impress them and make Nix proud.” 

Making Nicky proud was always Shane’s goal in life. He felt like he was constantly living to impress his best friend so that the blonde didn’t ever feel he’d made a mistake or think the younger boy wasn’t ambitious enough. In reality, Nicky would have loved him just the same if he’d been a dole dosser but he’d naturally encouraged Shane to always do his best but that was just the competitor in him. 

As far as he could tell, the interview seemed to go well. He’d had plenty of interview practice at university and the skills had paid off as he left the office with a confident smile on his face. Aware Nicky would still be driving ahead of him, he picked up his phone and typed a message to his man before getting into the car. 

‘Inter’ went well. On way now. Luv u 4eva.' 

Forty characters was never enough to write anything substantial hence what was named 'text talk', an abbreviated language that fit into a text message. 10p per SMS didn’t seem like much until a days conversation took up £2 of your weekly £10 credit. It’d be a while before such things as bolt-ons and contracts were affordable. So Shane sent an extra text. 

'Cant w8 2 cu. Ur my world. Til I die.xx’ 

Just as Shane put the mobile down, it beeped. Nicky was taking a comfort break and had picked up the message in time so quickly replied before rushing on to get to the party location with plenty of time to spare. 

'OK. Love u 2 the moon + back. I swear.xx’   
'2nite will b awesome. Miss u already.xxxx’   
'Drive safely. Enjoy the ride.xxxxxxxxxxx’ 

Shane smiled and held the phone to his chest as he thought of Nicky waiting for him at the other end. He couldn’t wait to be back in his boy’s arms. He hated being alone on his birthday and with 3 hours of country roads to cruise on, he had a bit of a wait to go.   
** 

Shane was happy listening to his Boyzone mega mix as he got half way to Sligo. A nice run on a usually busy Friday afternoon, the lack of traffic was alarming. Checking the news via the car radio, Shane couldn’t find any excuse for the quiet roads so he just felt lucky. Better to be clear than backed up due to an accident. There wasn’t many ways to get to Sligo so he assumed Nicky had taught him the best roads. He began to relax into the drive and sang along to Love Me For A Reason as he day dreamed about his evening with his beautiful boyfriend.   
** 

“Wow Mae this looks amazing.” Nicky gasped at the barn, set out ready for the party. 

Picnic benches which had been stored away from Shane’s sight for months lined the front of the barn and hay bales covered with blankets provided extra authentic seating by the walls. A DJ was already set at the far end of the room and on one side was the catering tables, the other a make shift bar. Rainbow coloured banners hung from the beams and 18th birthday balloons floated from table centres. 

“Will it do?” Mae asked, hoping her husband and sons had done a good enough job. 

“He’s going to love it. So Liam is going to ask for a quick favour and bring him over here yes?” 

“Yes love. He’s got one of those fancy, personal, cordless phone thingys and has sent Shane a note asking him to come to the yard before he goes to the house so he won’t notice no one is home.” Mae smiled, excited about her youngest turning into an adult. “I can’t believe he’s 18 already. I remember the day ye two met like it was yesterday.” 

“Me too. If I’d known what an amazing son you had and how much I’d love him, I’d have hugged you right there and then. Shane’s amazing Mae. He’s everything I’ll ever need to be happy. If the laws never change and we can’t ever marry or adopt children then so be it. As long as I have Shane I’ll be happy for the rest of my life.” 

“I’m very happy for you both that you found love in each other. Shane was broken for those 2 months you were apart. I knew then there was more to your friendship. You’re a wonderful boy Nicky and a great inspiration to my Shane. I’m proud to call you a part of our family.” Mae pulled Nicky in for a hug and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for looking after my boy. You’re a sweetheart. Bless you.” 

“It’s a pleasure. I’d be lost without him. I just wouldn’t be me.”   
** 

After pulling into a lay-by about an hour away, Shane rang Nicky to say he was closer but that he had to nip over to the yard first to see Liam and that he’d see him asap, asking him to meet him there if he wanted so Nicky agreed, making it easy to leave his car on full view. Nicky had asked guests to car share to reduce the number of vehicles on the land when Shane arrived to keep the surprise until he entered the barn and with many locals doing so or getting lifts and taxi’s, there was no more cars than usual. 

Shane was getting impatient as he kept to the limit on the roads. They were almost clear as far as the eye could see but with cattle in nearby fields he didn’t want to risk speeding in case a cow decided to jump over the fence to startle him. He’d seen it happen before and the damage it could do so he turned over his cassette and continued to listen to his mix tape. 

Coming up the road towards him was a supermarket delivery lorry. It was a narrow country road with ditches either side so Shane slowed down and crawled along to find a safe place for it to pass but the closer to lorry got, the faster it seemed to get, tearing towards Shane’s car as it swerved, seemingly losing control as the driver tried to steady the wheel as a tyre popped and the brakes were failing. 

“Holy fuck mate, where am I suppose to...” 

As the HGV approached, Shane could see the fear on the driver’s face as the trailer tipped on one side and skidded a curl across the road; the front driver’s carriage diving into the verge as the back end spun it’s tail a full 180 degrees, scooping Shane’s car up with it, batting it into the ditch on the opposite side of the road, behind the lorry driver. The carriage stopped as the car created a wedge but the back wheel of the lorry smashed through the passengers side of the Suzuki, pinning Shane to the ground inside the vehicle, trapped and unconscious.   
** 

Liam stood checking his watch half an hour after Shane was due to arrive. The party was due to start at 6pm and the birthday boy hadn’t even arrived yet with just 5 minutes to go. 

“He’s not answering his phone Nicky. It doesn’t take this long to get from where he was. What the hell is he playing at?” 

Nicky shrugged, starting to worry himself. “He promised to let me know when he got here or if he got delayed. Shall I go out and look for him? You keep trying to call and if he answers, ring me and I’ll stop the car to call you back. He can’t be far. He was only 45 miles away when he rang.” 

“No, let’s not knock his confidence. He’ll be here any minute, I’m sure of it.” Liam smiled, unconvinced by his own admission. “Keep calling him. He’ll answer eventually.” 

Nicky did just that and when he received no answer he sent a text. 

'Where u at babe? Waiting 4 u. Love u.xxx’ 

No reply. 

After another 20 minutes passed, Nicky noticed an ambicopter fly over and head south east. A cold rush of blood showered his body as he felt a sudden sense of dread. 

“Liam look.” He pointed. “He probably got stuck behind a crash.” 

“But he should have been back by now still, surely. He’s nearly an hour late now and that chopper is only just going out.” 

“So?! You know how quite the road can be. What if something’s happened and it’s only just been seen? Liam I really don’t feel good about this.” Nicky panicked, the colour draining from his cheeks as a police car and fire engine sailed passed at speed in the same direction. “Liam... I’m going to find him.” 

“I’m coming with you!” Liam immediately jumped ahead and ran to his car shouting at Nicky to join him as his 4x4 was more reliable than Nicky’s crappy motor. “Belt up. I’m not keeping to the speed limit.” 

“Don’t get us killed mate. Just stick to the limit, we’ll be fine. He might be turning down the end of the road as we speak.” 

“Wanna bet? I don’t feel right about this either Nix.” Liam frowned as he turned the radio on to hear the local news update and sure enough they were reporting a 2 vehicle collision 45 minutes away but they suspected a crash already. They needed to know exactly what vehicles were involved. “What fucking vehicles?!” he shouted at the radio. 

“...the driver of the Tesco lorry managed to alert the services before losing consciousness but claimed he didn’t know the situation for the Suzuki Alto driver he knew he’d hit.” 

Nicky’s guts dropped. “No... No it can’t be... Drive faster!” he screamed at Liam. 

“Just stay calm mate. It might not be him.” Liam said, putting his foot down to get to the scene as quick as possible. A speeding ticket was the least of his worries right now. 

“Fuck... Oh god. Please don’t be Shane. I can’t lose him Liam.” 

“I know OK?! He’s my baby brother. I love him too ya know. We’ll find him, it’ll be fine, just stop shouting at me.” 

Nicky slapped his hands over his face and sobbed as the fear of finding his one and only crushed flooded his mind. The 30 minute drive at high speed was terrifying but no more so than seeing the emergency services at work down the road. The police stopped Liam’s car from getting too close but the second it was halted, Nicky jumped out and ran passed the cops towards the back of the lorry, dodging everyone in his path until he discovered Shane’s car crumpled in the ditch. 

Falling to his knees at reading the registration plate, Nicky screamed at the top of his lungs causing Liam to chase after him. He could see the back of his boyfriend’s head resting on the broken, driver’s door window but couldn’t look for more than a split second. When Liam was faced with the same sight, he buckled too but managed to pull Nicky away. 

“Hey, hey, Nix, listen to me. They’re going to get him out OK? That’s what the firemen are preparing to do now. See the equipment above the car? That’s there to stop the lorry falling further as they cut Shane out.” 

“He could be dead by now! Why haven’t they got him out yet?!” 

“He’s still alive. The police just told me he’s breathing. Nicky, he’s going to be alright, I promise. Shane’s made of tough stuff.” 

“No, no, you don’t know that Liam. He’s trapped, he could be... Broken or damaged or... They have to get him out now!” Nicky broke down on the spot, collapsing to the ground again until paramedics helped to prevent a panic attack. “Just save Shane, please. I’ll be fine. Just save Shane... Please. Don’t let him die. He can’t die, he’s... I can’t lose him.” 

The female medic gave Nicky a empathetic smile. “We’re doing everything we can as safely as possible so we don’t put Shane in any danger. But he is breathing, he’s just unconscious at the moment and he doesn’t have anything pinning him down so he can be pulled out immediately. We’re confident he’ll be OK sir. Are you a relative?” 

“Liam’s his brother. I’m his... His boyfriend. He’s been my best friend since I was 5 years old. He’s everything to me, you have to save him. I love him so much... It’s his 18th today. He’s meant to be at his surprise party right now. Everyone’s at home waiting for him.” 

Liam chipped in, “I’ll call the office and see if anyone picks up. Finnbarr has a mobile but everyone we know is at the yard so he might not have it on him. Does Mark or Kian have a phone?” 

“I don’t think so.” Nicky shook his head. “Life would be so much easier if everyone had one.” 

“If I can’t get hold of Mam I’ll ask for an officer to go round. Will you be taking him to Sligo hospital?” Liam asked the medic to which he received a nod. “OK thanks. Excuse me.” 

Offering Nicky a bottle of water, the medic kept him calm as the noise of metal cutters rung in his ears. “Does your family know you’re together?” 

“Yeah. We moved to Dublin together when we were 16. I play for the Shamrock Rovers reserves team and Shane’s about to start his 3rd year in accounts. He had an interview this afternoon for a placement... His day was going so well... Now this.” 

“What about his party? Is there a theme?” 

“Barn dance. He loves horses so his family converted the barn for us. It looks amazing. He’d have loved it... What if it was Shane’s car that caused the accident? I bought him that car second hand.” 

“Evidence shows it definitely wasn’t your fault. The lorry driver tried to explain so too. Shane was just unfortunate. I’m very sorry.” 

“Just bad luck huh?” Nicky sniggered and shook his head. “If he doesn’t pull through this someone will have more than bad luck. I’ll fucking kill em.” 

Nicky’s shock was now turning to anger with every minute he waited for Shane to be pulled from the wreckage. 

“It won’t be long now. He’ll be OK.” 

“He fucking better be.”   
**


	9. Wake me Up

Sat in the corridor in the hospital, Liam, Nicky, Mae and Peter patiently waited to hear the verdict. Nicky was shaking in fear as he continued to swallow acid back down his throat as he tried not to vomit. 

“What’s taking so long? What are they doing to him?” Nicky fretted, restless and irate the longer they waited. 

“Trying to wake him maybe?” Peter answered, seeming the most calm. “It’ll be OK son.” 

Seconds later a doctor emerged from the a room and approached the Filan family to explain the situation.   
“Good evening, I’m Dr. Berry. Are you Shane’s family?” They nodded. “We’ve managed to stabilise his condition but unfortunately Shane sustained a hard hit to the head. The size of the injury would cause him great discomfort if he was awake so we’ve placed him into an induced coma. The tissue and swelling will heal quicker and we’ll be able to assess the damage earlier by doing this. It could have affected his sight, memory or...” 

Nicky interrupted. “No, don’t you dare say brain damage. Not my Shane.” 

“We won’t know how serious the injury is until he wakes but we plan to keep him induced for at least 4 days. If the swelling goes down we’ll look at waking him. Otherwise he hasn’t broken any bones so he’s lucky in that respect. If all is well with his head he should make a full recovery.” 

“But he could be blind?! Fuck.” 

Mae sobbed silently into her husband’s chest as Liam nodded and thanked the doctor. “Thanks. Can we see him?” 

“Two at a time but yes. Talk to him, he may be able to hear you.” The doctor smiled and left them to digest the news. 

“Nicky, go in with Mam. I’ll wait with Dad.” 

Inside ICU, Shane laid on the bed with tubes up his nose and a pipe down his throat. The cut to his head had been stitched up but the bump it left was severe and all shades of a bruise. Mae broke down again as she saw her little boy hooked up to life support but it was too much for her. She patted Nicky on the shoulder and excused herself, leaving the blonde alone with her boy. 

Nicky looked at his man in awe. He couldn’t quite comprehend that the still body on the bed was Shane. The boy he promised to protect forever. He hated himself. He felt it was his fault for letting Shane drive alone. He needed details of the crash to be able to convince himself he couldn’t have saved it from happening had he been there. He didn’t want to face the guilt of having bought Shane a dodgy car but the police insisted evidence showed it was the lorry driver’s fault. 

He took a seat next to the head of the bed and held Shane’s hand in his. “Fuck, baby. I can’t believe this is happening. You’re missing your party mate. It looks brilliant. It was meant to be a surprise but you didn’t quite make it.” He sniffed trying not to cry. “Everyone is still there. We told them to stay or go, it’s up to them. They don’t know how serious the accident was yet... I’m so sorry I wasn’t with you. I’m so sorry I lied... I had to leave early to get to the party first. I should have done it a different way. I shouldn’t have let you drive all that way on your own. You must have seen so scared... I’m so sorry... God I’m sorry. I love you so much. Please be OK.” 

As Nicky cried his heart out and wiped his tears on Shane’s hand, Liam poked his head into the room to announce their parents were too overwhelmed right now and needed a coffee to calm their nerves. “I’m going to head home to let Finnbarr and the rest know what’s happening. Do you need anything?” 

“No. Except, tell Mark and Kian I’ll call as soon as. Thanks.” 

“No problem. Nicky... He’s gonna be alright. He was really lucky. It could have been so much worse.” 

“Thanks bro. I’ll stay with him tonight. I’m not leaving him again. I just can’t. I don’t care if he’s asleep, I just need to know he’s safe.” 

“See you tomorrow then.” Liam smirked and left Nicky in peace. “Nicky will stay tonight. There’s no point arguing the toss either. He won’t leave Shane’s side now.” He told his parents. “See you at home.” He gave his mam a kiss on the cheek and made his way home, shaken himself by the state of his little brother.   
** 

Four days in and Nicky hadn’t left Shane’s side for more than a toilet stop a few times. He hadn’t been home or brushed his hair, had a shave or sprayed deodorant for 4 days. He’d barely eaten unless one of the Filan’s forced a sandwich down his neck on visiting. He looked rough and the sparkle in his usually shiny blue eyes was dull, his cheeks sore from a river of tears everyday. If Shane woke in that moment, he wouldn’t recognise Nicky. His face had always been smooth as a baby’s bum but 4 day stubble put 10 years on him and he simply didn’t care. Nothing else mattered but being there the moment Shane woke up and now the induced coma could be due to be lifted, his nerves were worse as he anticipated the results of Shane’s blow. 

“What if he doesn’t wake up?” 

“He will.” The nurse reassured him. “He was stable before we induced him but we didn’t let him wake that’s all. He’ll be very disoriented and in pain. Would you like to wait until his parents arrive?” 

“Yes, thank you. They need to be here in case he doesn’t know who I am.” 

“Of course he’ll know who you are. He barely has much of a memory before he met you anyway. Children under 5 don’t retain many memories. Don’t worry Nicky. He’ll be happy to see you I promise.” 

“Thanks Kim. You’ve been great.” Nicky smiled at the pretty, young nurse. “I’ll give Mae a call now.” 

“Nicky, don’t sweat it. I’ll do it myself. Go and get yourself a coffee. I’ll grab you a complimentary toiletries bag so you can brush your teeth and comb your hair. Scruff bag.” She teased. 

She’d got on well with the tired blonde over the last few days. Despite the situation, he’d remained polite, friendly and cheeky, remembering he might be famous one day and didn’t want a bad reputation before he started. 

It was only an hour later when Shane’s parents made it into the hospital. They had a brief on what would and could happen after the attempt to bring Shane from the coma and once everyone was happy, the doctor went ahead with the procedure. The removal of the drug keeping him asleep was extracted from the IV catheter and an extra stimulant was added to boost the natural speed in which he’d wake. It could still be hours before he opened his eyes but everyone waited patiently in tense anticipation to see how their boy reacted to the accident. 

90 minutes on, Shane began to breathe on his own so the nurse removed the pipe from his throat carefully before he choked and tried to rouse him. Mae stood at the end of her son’s bed, clutching onto Peter’s arm as Nicky squeezed Shane’s hand, silently begging him to open his eyes. 

“Talk to him. He’ll respond to your voice.” The nurse smiled at Nicky, excited for him that Shane would soon be awake. “Ask him to wake. Tell him you’re here.” 

“Hey, Shane, can you hear me now? It’s me Nix... And your mam and dad. We’ve missed you so much, will you wake up for me?” Nicky felt a twitch in his hand, Shane trying to communicate for the first time in days, his body numb and weak from the coma. “Huh, Shane, squeeze my hand again if you can hear me... Haha, yes, good lad. Oh thank fuck. Shane, it’s Nix, I’m right here baby. You’re gonna be OK just open your eyes when you’re ready. The nurse is right here.” Nicky grinned ear to ear but he was still unconvinced the hit to Shane’s head hadn’t done any lasting damage. 

“I’m here too Shane, my love. And Dad. We’re all here for you darling. Wake up now lazy bones.” Mae chuckled hoping her voice soothed Shane’s recovery. 

“Everything will be alright Shane, I promise. Open your eyes for me babe. Come on.” 

Shane was soon able to use more than one finger to return the grip in Nicky’s palm. It felt like the only part of him he had strength in was his hand until finally his eye lids flickered. The nurse turned the lights down so it was easier for him to adjust his focus but luckily for him, he still had perfect vision and the first thing he saw was the most beautiful person in his world. He just didn’t realise it yet. 

“Hey gorgeous.” Nicky smiled in delight at finally seeing the hazel orbs of his boyfriend again. “There he is.” 

“Hmm...” Shane tried to speak but his throat was dry and sore and he needed to crack open his voice box after 4 days of silence. “Nix?” he asked, confused by the ginger facial hair staring down at him. “What?” 

“Sshh, it’s alright. Don’t talk it’s fine. It’s me yeah. Sorry I look such a mess.” Nicky smirked and rubbed Shane’s cheek before softly placing a kiss to it. “Can you see everything OK?” 

Shane winced as he struggled to nod and look down the bed at his parents. “Mam?” 

“Welcome back darling. Thank goodness you’re awake.” 

“What... Happened?” Shane asked, ignoring Nicky’s closeness as he felt crowded and uncomfortable. He gently pushed his boyfriend away, suggesting he sat down out his face and broke a smile at his parents. 

“You don’t remember dear? Can you remember anything?” 

“No... How long... Been here?” he croaked before the nurse offered him a sip of water. “Thanks... Am I OK?” 

The nurse lifted the head rest to sit Shane up and make him more comfortable. She asked him some basic questions to get an idea of how he was doing but none were referring to his age or what year he thought it was. Rooky error. 

“Do you feel any pain anywhere other than your head?” 

“No, I don’t think so. Just a sore throat. So I’ve been here 4 days? Why?” 

Nicky explained what they knew and mentioned his birthday without being specific to his age. “You’d have loved it.” 

“It was all Nicky’s idea.” Shane’s dad added. “He’s been by your side all week.” 

Shane grinned politely then asked to talk to the nurse in private for a moment, sending Nicky and his family to collect themselves a drink. When the blonde leaned down to kiss his forehead, Shane remained silent. 

“Love you.” Nicky whispered before catching up with Mr and Mrs Filan in the corridor. 

“I’m scared.” Shane began. “I don’t understand... I don’t remember any of it.” 

“That’s perfectly normal after a trauma. Sometimes it’s best to forget.” 

“No I mean... Nix... He’s... Why is he... Being weird?” 

“What do you mean weird? He’s just happy you’re OK. He loves you so much Shane, he...” 

“Does he?! But...” This wasn’t right. Shane didn’t feel good at all. “Are we... No he can’t be, that’s stupid... Nix is my best friend. I love him too but I don’t... The last thing I remember is heading to town with Gillian to meet the lads. Did I miss my 16th party? I thought we were going to the theme park.” 

Kim’s heart sank. She’d heard every detail of their relationship and how they eventually admitted their feelings and now Shane was back to square one she knew it’d break Nicky’s heart. 

“Oh no... Shane... You might have amnesia. I’m so sorry but you’re 18 now sweetheart. Do you remember where you live?” 

“Sligo?” 

“No honey... Dublin with Nicky?” 

“Why would I go to Dublin?! Nicky chose Shamrocks? But... He can’t leave me. I’d be lost without him.” 

“It’s OK Shane, he didn’t leave you. You went with him remember? You two are inseparable. Like Bert and Ernie.” 

“Tell me the truth... Nicky said he loved me and he kissed me... Is he gay?” 

The nurse tried not to chuckle as she looked at Shane. “Would you like him to be?” 

“I dunno. He’s never had a girlfriend... He’s jealous of Gillian. Did he tell you he loves me?” 

“He tells everyone including you, numerous times a day... Shane, you’re the love of his life. Nicky’s been beside himself waiting for you to wake up. He was blaming himself for the crash... But he’s sat there in that chair for 4 days solid letting his beard grow so he didn’t have to spend any unnecessary time away from you even though you were asleep... Shane sweetie... You’ve been in a relationship for 2 years. He’s your man.” 

“But it’s Nix. He’s not gay, he’s... He’s my boyfriend? Are you sure?” 

“Shane, I’m more sure about your relationship than I am my own and I’m engaged.” The nurse sniggered, taking a seat where Nicky had spent every hour. “I know this might be a shock to you but Nicky can fill in all the gaps for you. If the only damage you’ve sustained from this crash is a bit of memory loss then you’re incredibly lucky. You could have been crushed to death. Nicky is so madly in love with you Shane, I really want you to remember how amazing he is.” 

“I know he is. We’ve been best mates since we were 5. He’s everything to me. I just don’t remember being in a relationship with him. Is it sexual?” 

Kim tried her best to remain professional but couldn’t help stopping to crack a smile. “Of course. Your 17th was very physical apparently. Nicky is absolutely beautiful, you’re so lucky to have him.” 

“Saying he’s out of my league?” Shane winked, already back to his old banter king self. 

“No, no... Even with a bump on your head you’re gorgeous too. I think you’re both lucky. Being in love with your best friend is one of life’s precious and rare opportunities. It might feel new to you right now but I can tell him to ease off a bit. I’m sure he can tell you everything to try and jog your memory. Just please, don’t give up. Nicky felt lost at the thought of you not knowing who he was. I told him you would of course but he’s petrified he’ll lose you somehow.” 

“I don’t function without him. The thought of him going to Dublin without me still hurts. Even though I know now I followed him. I’ve been in love with Nicky for years I just didn’t tell him.” 

“He knows now, trust me. You guys are going to be absolutely fine, I promise.” Kim gave Shane’s forearm a soft rub and got up to continue some work. “Can they come back in?” 

“Just Nix. Tell my parents I love them but I need to talk to Nicky first. He can wake me up to reality.” 

“Will do. See you later. Take it easy you!”   
**


	10. Tell Me more

Because Mae and Peter were so laid back and aware the boys were insanely close, they weren’t offended when Kim told them Shane wanted to speak to Nicky first. They were just relieved he was awake and well. 

Nicky was nervous. The nurse had explained the patient was suffering with amnesia and when he heard it had erased their relationship, Nicky was gutted. It’d taken him so long to get Shane to open up to him before, it was heart shattering to think the last two years were now only memories of his own. He entered the room cautiously and avoided eye contact with Shane to begin with but sat in his chair and sighed through his nose, close to tears. 

“Shane I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault mate, babe, I...”   
Shane stuttered unsure how to address his supposed boyfriend. “Sorry... I’m the one that should be sorry Nix. I’ve ruined everything. My birthday, our memories... I don’t even remember our first kiss and it feels weird to even think we’ve had one.” 

“Weird how? Shane, we live together, we sleep together, like we actually have sex now and it’s fucking amazing... Please don’t break my heart and tell me it’s over. I couldn’t bare to lose you.” Nicky reached for Shane’s hand as he allowed tears to fall from his cheeks onto the bed sheets. 

“Hey... Nix, come on man. You really think I wouldn’t want to experience those things with you all over again?! I’ve been in love with you since I can remember, ironically. I mean since I was a kid. You were my idol and my whole world revolves around you. I already know that... Kim told me OK? I just didn’t know why you were kissing me like that. It was like I was 15 all over again, wishing every time you touched me or gave me an innocent hug or kiss on the cheek that I could do it back and tell you how I felt instead of going out with Kian’s cousin.” 

“Ki and Mark came to see you yesterday. They didn’t stay long but they promised to come back when you woke. Mark looks amazing. He’s lost so much weight.” 

“Cool. When did I last see them?” 

“Couple of months ago we came up for a night out... Oh my god that means you don’t know. Shit! Oh this should be fun.” Nicky chuckled, recalling Shane’s reaction to the first time he heard the news. 

“Know what? What have I missed? Mark’s gay I know that bit. He blurted it out on the bench in town then you guys fucked off but I don’t remember why.” 

“Haha, oh god. Is that the last thing you remember? So nothing about what happened that day or 2 days later?” Nicky grinned and wondered whether to admit the whole truth or not then thought he best in case Shane remembered it himself later on. 

“You kissed Mark to spite me? You idiot. I can’t believe I had the courage to kiss you first though. Was it good?” 

“It was perfect. Just like you... I love you so much. Seeing you in that car... I’ve never been so scared in all my life. You have no idea how relieved I am that you’re OK.” 

“But I’m not OK. I don’t remember the last 2 years. I waited all my life to be with you and now it’s like it never happened. What am I gonna do?” 

Nicky wiped his eyes on his shoulders and sniffed away his nasal drip. “You know what baby? It doesn’t even matter. Because now I get to relive it all by telling you about every amazing moment we’ve had and you get to do it all over again. I will never give up on you. I want you back Shane. We were so happy together, I couldn’t bare just being friends.” 

“Nix... I love you. I know that much is true and all I want is my life back and if that’s feeling your boner in my back every morning I can live with that.” Shane teased with a cheeky grin. “See... I remember that and how I totally overreacted cause I thought that’s how I should react. When really even at that age I wanted to grab it no matter how naive I was about sex.” 

“Trust me, you’ve grabbed it enough since. You fucking love it.” Nicky blushed, able to control his tears now. “I love you too ya know.” 

“I know. Just be patient with me. If I can’t remember our first kiss I want our next to be extra special. Waking up to learn you’re all mine Nicky... Feels worth being in a coma for.” Shane smiled and stroked his fingers through the blonde greasy streaks leaning over him. “You seriously need to shower though... And hey you didn’t actually tell me why you freaked out before. About Kian or Mark?” 

“Oh, yeah... Erm, well. Let’s just say it’s not only me that snogged Mark.” 

“Oh fuck please tell me I haven’t!” 

“Haha, god I hope not. No, it’s... Mark and Kian. They’re together too. It’s new for them, they’ve only been seeing each other like that for a few months but yeah, another friendship turned relationship. Pretty cute right?” 

“Kian’s gay?! Are you serious? Kian? But he’s... No way. That’s insane. You’re pulling my leg.” 

“Sorry but it’s true. Mark managed to break him one night during a game of dare and Kian went for it. It was a shock to us both really but it’s sweet. They’ve been friends even longer than you and I.” 

“Only just. They met each other at 3 years old and I met them when I was 4. Which is only a year before we met. And anyway, we’ve been closer for longer. Bet Mark didn’t see Kian’s first chest hair and pubes, ha-ha. Ah man Kian’s gay, wow. Fair enough. As long as they both keep their hands off you... So um, am I good in bed?” Shane smirked, still stroking the back of Nicky’s head and tickling his neck. 

“Feels pretty good to me. You’re a soft lover whereas I’m a little more vigorous. Might have made your ass bleed a time or two.” 

“Ha-ha, shit, that’s why my arse is sore. Am I good at other stuff?” 

Nicky ran his palm over Shane’s chest and cupped his jaw as he stared at his battered man. “You’re perfect at everything. Everything about you is perfect Shane. Even when you’re angry you’re so sexy and laid in a hospital bed, broken and vulnerable... You’re still perfect.” 

“I wish I could remember Nix. I need to remember how happy we were and how lucky I felt to have you. I want you to tell me everything. About the first time I touched you and how terrible I was at it no doubt. I need to know how it felt the first time I... Ya know, when we did it and stuff.” 

“Baby you will remember but I’ll tell you anyway. Just promise me you won’t freak out and dump me. I’ll be patient, I can wait, it doesn’t have to happen again until you’re ready, I swear. It’s just really shitty talking to you right now and not been able to kiss you.” Nicky rubbed his thumb over Shane’s dark stubble, not as long as his own as the nurse had given him permission to shave him if he was careful to avoid the tubes. 

“Sorry. I just need time... But I do want to. I’ve always wanted to. But I’d rather you have a shave first, you hobo. You look like a 40 year old tramp.” 

“Ha-ha charming. So you’re well enough to go home if you’re being that cheeky.” 

“Nicky I want you to rearrange my 18th. The same guests, food, everything. I’m sorry I ruined the big surprise for you but you and my family have gone to so much trouble doing the barn up and it’s my 18th Nix. I have to have a party.” 

“OK. I’ll find out when you can go home and we’ll sort it.” 

“So if we moved to Dublin does that mean you’re a footballer now?” 

“Was a footballer.” Nicky frowned. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I quit yesterday. I was given grievance leave but the more I sat here watching you sleep, the more I realised that being in Dublin isn’t right for us. You’re the most important thing in my life and being away from your family pisses you off, I know it does. Then this happened and... I just don’t need it anymore. I don’t know what I’ll do instead but if you don’t remember the 2 years of university work you’ve done, you can hardly carry on either so we can just start again back home... What do you think?” 

“You quit football for me?! Are you crazy?” Shane seemed annoyed. Almost as insistent as he had been when he told Nicky he had to go in the first place. “You can’t do that. Footy is your dream.” 

“No Shane. Being with you means more to me than kicking a fucking ball for thousands of quid. I told you that before we left. You come first Shane, always. Everything I do is for you baby. You’re my world. I love you so much it physically hurts.” 

“Oh wait... Hang on... In the store room at the stables. You were rambling about going to Dublin and that we couldn’t be friends if I didn’t follow you and be your boyfriend... I called you a drama queen and then... Then I kissed you.” 

Nicky was silent as he stared at Shane, his memory coming back to life. “Fuck, yeah. You remember the kiss?” 

“I think so... Nix... Kiss me now. Help me remember.” Shane tried to lean forward but Nicky beat him to it and crushed their lips together. “Mmm, yes.” He whispered into the blonde’s mouth. “It was perfect. And we did it more than once.” 

“Yeah. The second time with tongues.” Nicky winked hoping his luck was in and he wouldn’t have to wait to shave first. “Remember?” 

“Yes... Fucking kiss me again Nicky.” Shane demanded, holding his head so he couldn’t get away as he wrapped his tongue around the blonde’s. “God it feels so right.” 

“Tell me about it, stud!” Nicky chuckled, ecstatic to taste his boy again after 4 entire days terrified it might never happen again. “I fucking love you so much.” 

“Love you too babe. Tell me more. Tell me everything.” 

“You need to see your parents. They’ve been worried sick too. We’ll talk later alright? I said I’d call Mark’s house when you were awake too. Are you up for visitors?” 

“Tomorrow. I’ll speak to Mam and Dad then I just want to be with you. Mark and Kian can come tomorrow so you can go home and shower. I’ve got a pretty bad headache right now but your voice always makes me feel better.” 

“OK. We’ll talk later I swear.” Nicky gave Shane another kiss on the lips before calling in Shane’s parents. 

He didn’t want to push them out even though he was desperate to gush about his happy relationship with the patient but just knowing Shane was going to make a full recovery was enough to keep the smile on his face for now.   
**


	11. Home

Nicky spent five hours the night before going over as much as he could about the last 2 years, picking out as much detail as possible to try and jog Shane’s memory but he’d not remembered anything else passed their first kiss yet. It was frustrating but Nicky loved talking about how happy they’d been and what they had planned for the future. Strangely enough it did sound plausible to Shane, he just found it difficult to imagine waking up next to beautiful Nicky every morning and finally having the right to stroke him when ever he felt like it. 

When Nicky had talked about their first time on Shane’s 17th, he blushed and got embarrassed, which made Shane giggle until his headache was too much to take. But that night Nicky climbed on the bed beside Shane and spooned him into the night. 

Waking up to a prod in his back, Shane sniggered to himself and turned his head to check his boy was still sleeping. But his movements woke the blonde. 

“Good morning Mr Byrne... And little Nicky.” Shane whispered, kissing his nose before he could open his eyes. 

Nicky grinned as he stretched his legs and gave Shane a squeeze. “Less of the little thank you. You’ll soon remember that when it’s back inside your arse or down your throat.” 

“I’ve seen plenty of your boners Nix, I believe you. Sorry.” 

“For what? Not allowing me to use it?” Nicky chuckled as he nuzzled his lips into Shane’s neck. “Mmm, god the next time I get the chance you’ll never forget it.” 

“Unless someone else wants to try and wipe me out, sure.” 

Nicky sat up and looked down at his man feeling sorry for himself. “Hey, don’t be like that. I am never going to let anything like this happen to you again alright?” 

“You can’t make those kinds of promises Nicky. It was an accident and I could have died. There’s nothing you could have done to know or stop it.” 

“Shane, I know this is a lot to take in right now but I’m right here for you. I was just joking about the sex, you know what I’m like.” 

“No, I don’t! Not anymore. Clearly our relationship is different now. We have a physical connection now and I don’t know the first thing about how to please you. I don’t even know what I enjoy myself.” 

“But I know... You trust me don’t you? You know I’d never use this to my advantage or make you do anything you’re not comfortable with. If being with me is what you still want then great cause we get to start all over again. That’s not a problem.” 

Shane huffed and bit his bottom lip as he stared at Nicky’s worried eyes. “Of course I want to be with you. I love you. I’m just scared and I’m sure I felt the exact same way 2 years ago too.” 

“Yeah you did but this time I know what to do and how not to make the same mistakes again while you get to enjoy making new first time memories. One day it’ll all come back.” Nicky ran his hands through Shane’s soft fringe and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I made a promise to you when we moved to Dublin and I will never go back on that promise. I swore to you Shane that no matter what happens, I’ll be there for you through the joy and the pain. This is just a big fucking pain right now but I don’t wanna see you cry cause I’m never going anywhere. If you feel a relationship isn’t right for you now then I’ll wait.” 

“Oh fuck off Nix, I didn’t mean that. I want nothing more than to be with you every second of the day, you know that. And I do trust you, with my life. I don’t blame you for the accident. You were ahead of me being amazing and I fucked that up not you. I would never throw this in your face. I just want to go home. Maybe then some memories will come back.” 

“We are not going home. You’re going to your mam’s while I sort the house out in Dublin. I’ll find us somewhere in Sligo to rent and get myself another job. Maybe I can do something at Sligo Rovers instead that doesn’t involve playing for the actual team. Like be a kids class coach or something.” 

“But if I don’t go back it won’t help the memories.” 

“Bollocks to the memories Shane. We’re staying here and that’s final. Let me take care of you and I swear you’ll always be safe and happy. We have a whole lifetime to make new memories together. If there was a way of proving to you how much you mean to me then I’d do it.” 

“Sorry.” Shane frowned and dropped his head. “You don’t need to prove anything.” 

“Hey, look at me... everything is going to be OK. I promise.” Nicky turned Shane’s head and gave him a loving morning kiss which quickly progressed to a passionate moment. “God I love you so much and I can’t stop saying it. You’re my soul mate Shane. I can’t wait to get you home and carry on living our lives together.” 

“I wish we could be more intimate right now. I’m gagging to wank you off.” Shane groaned under his breath into Nicky’s ear, shuffling onto his side to reach Nicky’s crotch. 

“You’ve been out of a coma less than 24 hours and you’re horny?! That blow to your head has really affected you hasn’t it?!” Nicky grinned as Shane’s hand slid down the front of his jeans. “Whoa babe, we’ll get caught. It can wait, seriously you need to keep your blood pressure down.” 

“I’m not the one about to orgasm so who cares. I need to feel you Nix. I want to remember how good it feels to finally hold you and make you cum all over my hand.” 

“Fuck that’s good... Ah, baby I want to, you have no idea but stop! Please. We’ll get caught or you’ll work yourself up. You still need to rest... Mmm, fuck.” 

“Tell me I’m a naughty boy and how you’re going to punish me for breaking the rules. Tell me I’m a dirty whore.” Shane whispered in Nicky’s ear as he sucked on the blonde’s neck. 

“Ah god it feels so good. You’re a bad boy Filan. But you’re fucking unbelievable... Mmm, just keep it slow, don’t get yourself worked up too.” 

“My cock is so hard I wish you could touch me too.” 

“Ah, no... Shut up and kiss me so I can moan in your mouth. Oh fuck that’s good... See I told you not to worry.” 

“It doesn’t even feel weird that I’m wanking you off. Nicky you’re my world. Come for me.” 

Nicky closed his eyes as he tried to contain his release just a while longer but it was so risky and hot, he needed to just let it out. “Shit, kiss me Shane. Kiss me and I’ll come. Ah baby.” The blonde tensed his body and pushed his hips into Shane’s strokes as he plunged his tongue deep in the brunette’s mouth, muffling the sound of pleasure as he reached his climax. 

The second Nicky’s body jolted and he jizzed up Shane’s wrist and into his boxers, the door opened and a dark figure stood with their jaw dropped as Nicky caught his breath on Shane’s shoulder and the patient’s sticky hand pulled out. They were both blissfully unaware they had company. 

“Nix, I love you, never doubt that.” 

“I love you even more since the crash, you horny little bastard.” Nicky chuckled and kissed Shane as he linked his hand into the gooey mess. “Eww, great.” 

“Ahem!” the voice came to break the boys from their love bubble. “I thought I had the right room but the guy I’m looking for just got woken from a coma and shouldn’t be wanking off his boyfriend.” 

“Marky!” Shane wiped his hand on the bed sheets and sat up to welcome his friend. “It’s good to see you man. Where’s Ki?” 

“Excuse me. I’ll just go... To the toilet.” Nicky turned pink as he climbed off the bed and passed Mark to go clean himself up. “Hi mate, thanks for coming.” 

“Shouldn’t it be Shane thanking you for coming?” Mark sniggered and sat down in Nicky’s seat. “You’re a dirty twat. Did he ask you to do that?” 

“Of course he didn’t. He told me not to but I wanted to remember what it felt like. You know he’s a good kisser.” 

“Oh gees, thanks Shane. You remember that OK! If it wasn’t for you finding out, you never would have admitted how you felt about him.” Mark huffed, almost annoyed the episode was mentioned. 

“Sorry mate. Cheap shot. Congratulations yourself. I know I’ve already said it but I’m really happy for you and Kian.” 

“It’s early days but thanks. If we’re a fraction as happy as you and Nicky, we should be fine.” Mark smiled at his battered friend who no one would guess had been in such a serious accident. Shane was so full of smiles and plenty of colour in his cheeks. “Are you OK? Was expecting you to be groggy and fragile.” 

“Nix is the best medicine.” Shane smiled, missing the blonde from his hip already. “I might not remember our relationship Mark but I know I love him more than anything in the world and I don’t function without him. He’s my light and strength... He’s amazing.” 

“Yeah he is. Don’t give up on those memories Shane. You two are perfect together. You’re both really lucky.” 

“Thanks bud.”   
**


	12. Surprise

Considering Shane’s remarkable recovery, doctors felt their decision to induce him into a coma was completely wrong but defended themselves by saying “better to be safe than sorry” and still took extra care to monitor him for an extra day or two due to his amnesia. They thought he could go into shock if he remembered the crash and wanted to ensure his blood pressure was normal before allowing to discharge him. 

By Thursday evening Shane received the news he could go home the next morning. It was too late to rearrange the party and Shane wanted to chill for a while with family first to see if he suffered any flash backs but asked Nicky to plan something for the following weekend once his bruise was a little better and he could look his best. He’d adopted his vain personality from Nicky who’d ironically let his looks slip at the cost of being stuck to his boyfriend’s side all week. During his trip home for a shower Nicky hadn’t wasted time having a full shave, instead just tickling his beard with a trimmer to tidy it up. Shane wasn’t happy with the look though and begged him to completely get rid of the red hair as soon as they got home, desperate himself to be rid of the thick, black stubble on his own jaw. 

Shane’s car was undeniably a write off and he wasn’t in a rush to drive alone again so Nicky chauffeured him back to his own parent’s house where Yvonne had offered them Nicky’s old room seeing as it hadn’t been changed and had a double bed already. Mae had filled Shane’s room with storage boxes and so thanked Nicky’s mum for putting the boys up. 

Dropping his hospital bag to the floor, Shane flopped onto Nicky’s bed and stretched. “Mmm, I miss this bed. At least I think I do.” He sniggered, snuggling up to the fluffy pillows. “How are you feeling anyway? I guess no one’s asked you much.” 

Nicky sat on the edge of the mattress and sighed, rubbing his tired face before falling back beside Shane’s waist. “I’m in awe I suppose... A few days ago I wasn’t sure you’d be you again and now you’re fit as a fiddle. I guess I’m just overwhelmed how quick things can change.” 

“I know it’s crazy but I do feel fine. You heard the doctors, even they felt foolish putting me in a coma.” Shane ran his fingers through Nicky’s hair as he laid by his belt buckle further down the bed. “I’m so sorry about all of this.” 

“It’s not your fault Shane.” Nicky mumbled, getting emotional. 

“Hey you, come here. Get... Up here now.” Shane tugged on the blue hoody on Nicky’s shoulders and placed his palm on the blonde’s cheek once he was laying beside him face to face. “No woe me shit alright. I’ll be fine. It’s not your fault this has happened. You haven’t lost me, I’m right here baby. I love you so much.” 

“I’m so lucky to have you. You’re not scared of anything.” 

“Of course I am. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared I’ll never get those memories back and that I’ll never be the person I was before.” 

“You’re not going to change just because you’ve forgotten a few things. When you found out we’d been together for 2 years, you were just as happy as back then. That’s how I know we’re meant to be together. I just feel like I let you down.” 

“Nix, seriously... You can’t let this get to you. If I can get over it then so can you.” Shane kissed Nicky’s button nose and smiled but the blonde was still showing signs of depression. “I’m sorry you had to see me trapped in the car and I don’t remember it. I know that image must be haunting for you but I’m perfectly OK and just want to be happy. The way we were.” 

“Sure. Sorry.” Nicky cuddled his head onto Shane’s chest and linked his fingers into his hand, tussling with the brunette’s small digits. “I just want to fall asleep in your arms again. Feel your heart beat against mine.” 

“Have I ever told you how much of a girl you are?” Shane chuckled, kissing Nicky’s head. 

“All the time.” He squeezed Shane’s belly and settled down to rest in his boy’s arms, content and relieved to have the opportunity to do so.   
** 

Before they knew it an entire week had passed and everyone was able to drop everything to attend the rearranged party for Shane’s birthday. In fact more people made it to make sure the young man was OK after the accident but sure enough Shane felt fine. He tried to give Nicky the space he needed to sort the do without overhearing too many details but Nicky had a bigger surprise up his sleeve. It wasn’t just a belated birthday party but it would explain the extra family making an effort. 

Stood in his bedroom deciding on a shirt to wear, Shane looked in the mirror at his physique. “Do you think I should start working out?” 

“Why?!” Nicky chuckled at Shane checking himself out. “You look pretty fit from where I’m standing.” The blonde kissed the back of his neck and slid his hands round to Shane’s slim belly. “You’re gorgeous baby. Only work out if it’s what you want. I think you’re sexy enough with your clothes off... And on.” 

“I feel fat.” 

Nicky sniggered. “Who’s the girl now?! I’ll love you no matter what size you are. Your cock will never change.” 

“Ha-ha, Nicky! Talking of cock... Tonight. I want to... Ya know. Again.” 

Nicky nodded with a smile. “If you’re ready then tonight would be perfect. Knowing I’m on a promise will keep me horny all night.” 

Shane turned to hold his hands around Nicky’s neck and kissed him. “I promise this is what I want. I want to feel you inside me, me inside you... Everything.” 

“Can hardly wait.” Nicky whispered before giving his man a passionate kiss to seal the deal. “Mmm, definitely can’t wait.” 

“Best do something about it then.” The brunette raised his brow then squatted down in front of Nicky, taking his jogging bottoms down with him. “Hard already?” 

“Always!” 

“Get ready for it to be wet too.” Shane licked his lips before taking his tongue to the tip of Nicky’s hard-on instantly making the blonde moan.   
** 

The barn was ready and Nicky had managed to influence Shane into wearing a blue checked shirt to look the part for his country style party. By now Shane knew it was in the barn but didn’t know any details about his party. 

Nicky waited in place at the event with everyone sat ready for the ultimate surprise as Mae walked in with Shane to introduce the birthday boy. 

The second Shane looked up at Nicky wearing a different shirt to the pale grey one he’d initially chosen for Shane’s benefit, a confused frown spread across his face. All his friends and family were there smiling and adoring their 18 year old honorary guest as Nicky nervously smiled in the centre of the room. 

“Surprise dear.” Mae chuckled and gave her son a kiss on the cheek before joining her husband on one of the picnic benches. 

Shane stood fast unsure what to do in the silence. There was no cheering or big “surprise” yelled by the guests. Instead they all glared with adoring eyes at the brunette as Nicky waved him to over to join him. Worried by the attention, Shane slowly shuffled across the straw carpet on the floor and kept his eyes on Nicky the whole time. 

Once he was face to face with his boyfriend, Nicky took his hands and kissed Shane’s cheek. “What the fuck is going on?” he whispered. “This is weird.” 

“Shane... I wanted to make today so much more special than it was originally so I changed some plans a little in a hope you’ll accept my proposal... Now, I know we may never be able to get married in the eyes of the law but I want the world to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me.” 

“Nicky, what are you doing?” Shane freaked out. What could he mean? There was nothing more certain than marriage and that couldn’t happen yet. 

Speaking through the tiny microphone on his shirt like a TV presenter, Nicky shared his question with the room. Finnbarr had managed to purchase the sound system cheap from a friend so his words weren’t lost in the big room.   
“Shane Filan, you have been the better half of me for 13 years now and I just can’t live without you. We’ve been inseparable since day one and now we’re adults we get to be together in ways some people frown upon. But I know you’re my soul mate and one day...” the blonde cleared his throat as his eyes filled with emotion. “One day I’m going to marry you and stick two fingers up to the world that doesn’t approve. When I thought I’d lost you recently, a part of me nearly died too. I’m nothing without you so in front of all our friends and family here today, I want to make a promise and a commitment to you. Shane, will you accept this commitment ring as a symbol of my love to you? A promise to always love and cherish you, support and inspire you through sickness and health, in the eyes of our loved ones. A verbal contract that commits to the future ability to engage for marriage. A partnership noticed for the vows we take though not legally binding... Shane, I want to commit myself to you with the promise that the day the law changes, I can propose legal marriage to you. I want no-one else and nothing else matters more to me than you. Please accept this ring as a symbol of my love and duty as your one day fiancé.” 

Shane was in awe. He was 18 years old and being asked to commit to a wedding that may never happen. But the gesture was enough and it meant everything to him too.   
“Nicky... I’d love to marry you one day. Of course I’ll accept the commitment ring.” 

“Oh thank god.” 

As Nicky grabbed Shane’s neck and kissed him in front of everyone they knew, the guests finally broke their silence and cheered for the happy couple on the promise they’d made to live on as a virtually married couple despite their age and laws against it. They were the most inspiring couple in the room and everyone was happy for them. 

“Since the day we met I swore to take care of you, to be your friend. Over the years, especially since we progressed with our relationship, I swore to love and protect you. This love we share was never made to die so we’re for keeps you and I. I am never going to leave you or deliberately make you cry. I’ll never treat you badly or degrade your efforts and choices in life. I’ll only strive for the best in us both as a couple and as individuals. Our love burns eternally and if you could see how beautiful you are to me, you’d know I’m not lying. Sure there’ll be hard times but as long as we try to get through them together, no one can deny the strength we share. I swore to you when you woke from the coma my love would remain no matter what happened and I swear it all over again. I love you.” 

Shane sniffed as a tear drop fell from his cheek. He’d never been more in love with the cutest, most beautiful blonde in front of him and he felt proud that Nicky felt so strongly to commit himself this way until it could be legal.   
“I love you too Nico. I swear.” 

Stealing Nicky’s words of promise for the first time made the older boy’s heart melt. “God you’re so gorgeous. Thank you for being a part of me. The more I know of you, the more I know I love you and the more that you love me, the more that I know that I’ll never let you go.” 

“Tonight is going to be amazing Nicky. I’ll never forget this moment or anymore we make. I promise to try and remember us before but it’s now that matters. Now and forever.” 

“Forever babe. I swear.” Nicky smiled and kissed his boy again before the DJ struck up the music for the party to get started. 

The ring was firmly on Shane’s finger and their relationship was solid. All they needed to do now was wait for the acceptance the country craved to be an official couple for the rest of their lives.


End file.
